Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Kwestionable acKwisitions

When I went up to the reference desk this morning to do my shift here at the library, the first thing I saw was the following item on the New Titles Cart1:

And (may Jebus give us all strength!) this is how the description of the tome on the inside flap of the dust jacket begins:
In 1977, blood from each member of the rock band KISS was drawn by a registered nurse2 and poured into vats of red ink and used for printing the band's first comic book.[...]
It continues from there, but I think you get the point.

What a rip! Because nowhere on the flap does it say that this compendium of those Klassic KISS Komix (KKK3) uses any of their blood! I suppose they're all anaemic by now (because they must all be in like their 60s) and afraid to let anyone draw blood from them - even a registered nurse.

I was in my teens when KISS first made the scene and they never worked for me: not as a band, not as Kamp Konfection, not even as a sign of the apocalypse. I just couldn't take anything about them seriously, even at the unripe age of 14. And they simply weren't amusing enough in any meaningful way to work on the comedic level, either. They were like a band that was unaware that they should be unaware that it is a joke to say your amps go up to eleven4.

They are a band so lame, even a caveman5 couldn't love them.

True fact: Teh KISS Compendium was lying on top of a tome of Prince Valiant Comics from 1937.

I just knew those guys were into little boys with pageboy haircuts!
1 Or "Kart"?

2 "[R]egistered nurse"? Pffffftt! Pussies! What happened to DIY, KISS?

3 The new KKK! Now with 90% less evil and 50% more Stoopid! (Which brings the Total Amount of Stoopid (TAoS) up to 150%!)

4 FYI, jiif: That's an anachronistic reference to a movie called This is Spinal Tap. Just so's you know.

5 FYI, jiif: This is a reference to an aging hipster named "jiif". Just so's you know. And if you are, in fact, a member of (or should I say "a tool in"?) the KISS army, I apologize for thinking you (cave)man enough to have more taste than that.

1 comment:

  1. i know i've heard kiss stuff before, but off-hand, the only song i can recall by name is "strutter". as a wee cave dweller, my folks impressed upon me how important it was to stay away from bands who claimed to be "knights in satans service". so, i obeyed them.

    now that i am old and have put aside childish ways; i've come to the same conclusion that you did; they're utter rubbish. and, if you insist otherwise, i'd just tell you to go lick my love pump.