Yeah, see, Ian, a few days before this, had been saying how some kids on CP get around the "No Bad Words" rule by writing "asssssss" etc., but of course Ian himself (I asked) would never do such a thing!
CP being a Disney scam, they, of course, take the family-friendly "no cursing" rule pretty seriously. More seriously than they do, say, the more meaningfully family-friendly policy of not outsourcing the production of your Movie Tie-In Happy Meal tchotchkes to Third World countries that force eight-year-olds to work 14-hour shifts for pennies an hour making those plastic princesses and frogs. Because why should Disney take that policy seriously? IT'S NOT ONE OF THEIR POLICIES!1!
Hahahahahahah! Joke's on YOU, poor Asian kids! Life's tough working for the owners of Teh Happiest Place on Earth! If you wanted meaningful human rights you should have been born an American Corporation! Sux for you that you weren't!
Anyroad, of course Ian thought he could get away with writing "asssss" for "ass" and he got caught. It was his third strike, so he got banned — 4EVAH!1! He finally admitted that's what he did. He didn't expect to get banned because his other two strikes on CP were unrelated to bad language use, I think.
And so Ian has proved himself a real Heisenberg in two ways:
First: I, too, thought there was no way anyone would figure out what I was talking about when I wrote about my n*ts@ck, but I suspect some of you have sussed out what that really refers to.
Second: Teh 'Mom would get these chest pains, which like months later we'd find out were heart attacks. After the first one, we were like: "Mom, when you get those pains, STOP hanging the laundry out to dry, because that's not helping; and get to the hospital."
So the next time Teh 'Mom had those pains, she'd just "rest" (we'd find out later) till they "went away". And we'd be all "Dubya Tee Eff, Mom! What did we say before about teh chest pains?" And she'd be all, "O, this time I didn't hang out laundry. I did ironing after I felt better."
And so to Teh 'Mom's way of thinking, the previous warning about heart attacks didn't apply because, see, THIS time, there was no laundry-hanging involved. Therefore it couldn't have been a heart attack! QED.
And Teh 'Mom eventually died of a heart attack.
So since Ian's two previous strikes were for something different, there was no way he could see that third strike as being the third. Due to rampant Teh 'Mom logic.
That there above is a beer I had to buy when I saw it because it is a He-Brew: Teh Chosen Beer. Specifically, a Messiah Bold Brown Ale. I would certainly choose it again! It goes great with matzos and foreskins.____
The first depicts Ian's daily dilemma: Video Games or Math. But doing math wastes paper and hurts Mother Earth. So ... dilemma solved.
The second is Ian's take on Lady Gaga's boyfriend ... whoever he is. Ian's class is obsessed with Lady G. to the point that his teacher has forbidden them to speak of her in class.
Ian forced me to download "Paparazzi" and now he listens to it all the time and sings along.
I asked him if he knew what "paparazzi" meant. He said yeah, they're little cockroaches.
His best friend is this Mexican-American kid who lives across the street and it took me a while before I realized that Ian was getting paparazzi confused with cucaracha.
Or not. They're pretty much the same.
Congratulations (of sorts) are in order for carpe viam — no, not because I am anticipating she'll BQ at her marry this weekend, but rather because she is, O, let's just say the ONE MEEEELLIONTH blogger to ban (or partially ban) me. Because over the past two days, I left — actually, tried to leave, is more like it — like FIVE comments on her blog, and her blog EATED EVERY SINGLE ONE!1! Innocent glitch? Pfffttt! I wasn't born yesterday!
And, speaking of born, good luck getting child support out of me now, CV! Talk to my lawyer — assuming his comments don't get EATED by your blog! You're worse than SteveQ, who had a short-lived fetish for deleting my comments from his blog and still, to this day, deletes whole posts of his merely because I've commented on them1!
6.36 mile run this morning at a sub-9 minute pace! Woo-hoo!
1 I have no proof that that is the reason he deletes these posts, but ... Wait! I do have Faux News Proof! It's true because I just reported that it was! But what we really wanna know here at Faux Blog is ... why is SteveQ carrying out the Obama Administration's Radical Socialist Agenda of Curbing Free Speech? Also, is Obama the real father of carpe viam's love child1a, with Glaven being set up as the Fall Guy like that fuckhead former John Edwards adviser who just wrote a book called I Was Teh Father of John Edwards' Love Child!1!
Also, was Obama the father of the father of the guy who was the father of John Edwards' Love Child? I've heard rumors that he was and so my repetition of those rumors is proof it's true!
1a Also, is he "better endowed" than I, cv? You know what I mean! When, O, when will Democrats learn the truth of what Republicans live with every day - smaller is better?