Saturday, March 13, 2010

"Welcome Dr. Nic!1!" Post

Ian, as you no doubt noticed from the pic I uploaded a couple daze ago, is becoming quite the Tween. As such, he is beginning to form his own opinions, some of them even political.

Teh 'Bride works late on Tuesday nights, so at dinner, it's just Ian and me. He tends to bolt down his food (because he eats very little at dinner, then has like a 5-course meal just before bed) and usually finishes before I do, which is impressive because when I eat, my whole arm is a blur that no shutter speed known to man can sufficiently slow down to capture unblurredly on film.

And he'll say like: "You can take your food in the living room and watch Colbert now, Daddy" — which is really just his roundabout way of "asking" if he can come down here and play on the Macintosh.

And I'm like, "O, I can? Why thank you, Ian!" and he says I'm welcome because he doesn't really get irony or sarcasm yet.

Case in point:

On occasion, Ian has sat with me while I've watched the previous night's DVR'd Colbert or TDS, and if either Stewart or Colbert sez something "mean" about Obama — even if they are being ironic (this is especially true with Colbert) — Ian gets angry1.

Anyroad, Ian couldn't sleep right away last night and he was still awake when I  shuffled upstairs at like 102 (Teh 'B. following about a half hour later) and as I'm peeing — mostly into the toilet but who knows? because I'd had a few — Ian comes in and hands me these:

(Yeah, you're gonna need to click on it to read the writing. And I framed them between a dog toothbrush and a rotting banana as my politcal commentary on them.) 

But so let me help you out: The "John Stwert" one has a "Wort" on his face because "He's a girl!" sez Ian. "Only girls have warts?" I ask. "Yes!"

And I'm there thinking, Uh-oh. Got a budding conservative on my hands here.

But then the drawing of "Cold Bear" notes that he's a "refart"3 and an "idot" and a "moron" with a "bad show" and should "go to jail" because "he makes fun of Oboma"4.

And I'm thinking, Well, geez, now Ian looks, if not like a "liberal", at least like a budding Democratic hack — which is still pretty disturbing to me.

And so you can see that there is a war going on inside Ian's Political Soul between the forces of Good (i.e., views that might very possibly mature into ones congruent with my own — but they've still got a ways to go); and the Forces of Evil (i.e., Dr. Nic's worldview, in which girls are all icky and have "worts"5 — which I think is the political point the teabaggers are trying to make — and the good foax don't quite get irony).

And I know that Dr. Nic, seeing this, will try to make hay by shipping a crate of teabags and multiple remaindered copies of Sarah Palin's autobiography here to Joisey in hope that they'll find their way to Ian and have the desired effect.

But two can play at that game:

I'm express-mailing Milton Bradley's new game Liberal Operation6 to Soviet Kiel, where Nic lives, for his unborn baby.

Second aside to Dr. Nic: Congrats on finding your way to my new blog. Note that I never once called you a Republican.

You're welcome.
No running today, because it's an off-day and also raining like a mutha-fukka out there. But I do intend to GIVE IT HARD to Morrissey at some point.

Then, ride my exercise bike. (added 10:30: : 7.2 miles in 20 minutes)
Addendum, 10:36: ZOMG!1! I almost forgot to add this song (below) and dedicate it to Dr. Nic!1!

One of my fav songs from Tommy, Teh Who's "Happy Liberal Holidaze!"

Adding: Ken Russell's Tommy? Yeah, quite possibly one of the worst films ever made. Russell can turn anything into a turd.
1 Aside to Dr. Nic: Yeah, I know to you Obama is my hero and can do no wrong and I want to have his baby and all, but in truth? I have no idea why Ian feels this way. We're thinking of cutting off all of Ian's contact with that Rahm Emanuel kid as a bad influence because that kid is creepy, what with his missing finger and looking all in his 50s and stuff.

2 That's right — 10. On a Friday night. How do you like my mangina? Because I just flashed it at you.

3 Ian knows he's in BIG trouble if he calls anyone a "retard".

4 If this is the standard? Well then I, too, am a proud idot, moron and refart.

5 I take some comfort in the fact that "wort" actually means "as-yet unfermented beer" and if Teh Ladies were actually all unfermented beer they'd be even more in danger from my tongue than they are now.

Am I turning you on, Ladies?

6 Liberal Operation is just like the old Operation game except in LO, you have to pay first because there's no Universal Healthcare and the patient is a Democrat, i.e., HE HAS NO SPINE!1!


  1. What kind of crappy school system is Ian in, where he doesn't know how to spell "wart," "Obama," or "retard." Oh wait, New Joisey must have something to do with it.

    Dog's toothbrush? Don't let Teh Bride know you posted that about her.

  2. My comments never get published here! If that's intentional, it's really funny. So go ahead and claim it's intentional.

    I have wort on my face too. Blowing bubbles in warm grain beverages will do that.

    And why is Ian still awake during Colbert? Is his bedtime when you notice him?

  3. "Cold Bear" - hahaha!!!

    Took me a while to get that.

    Shut up.