TITLE: OH MY GOODNESS - MAN CAUGHT MASTURBATING IN [CENSORED] COUNTY LIBRARY
Saturday, April 24, 2010 @ approximately 2:12 PM - Police arrested [CENSORED] and charged him with lewdness following an incident at the [CENSORED]County Library on [CENSORED]. Police were called to the library for a report of a male masturbating in public view on the second floor. ...
Yep. You guessed it. [CENSORED]County Library is Teh 'Bride's library, all right. The fun never stops at the library:
[PA Voice-Over]: "Clean-up in aisle three - wet."
What does it say about me [do NOT answer this in the comments] that the thing that I [I am NOT kidding - this question is rhetorical!] was most interested in [Really, don't answer it] when I went to the page was the ad-link it provided at the bottom of the page to an article from the same online rag about a local pub called Mrs. Riley's Ale House?
Because I had never heard of Mrs. Riley's, even though it is in our Northish-Central Joisey County, and so I clicked the link, thinking, Hey, why not, might be a nice place to go for lunch or something, and it's basically just a puff piece on Mrs. Riley's, comprised of pix, mostly, and the local rag even managed to misspell the name of the establishment at the top of the page, calling it "Mrs. Reiley's", which I know is wrong because one of the pix on the page is of the fucking place's SIGN where it sez, plain as day, "Mrs. Riley's Public House and Trattoria" (la-dee-da); and I'm looking at the pix trying to see what beers they have on tap, but all I can make out is a Coors Light tap, so Teh 'Bride and I won't be going to Mrs. Riley's any time soon, I can assure you.
But I'm also thinking, Poor Mrs. Riley! Not only did they misspell her name, but she probably paid money to have Breaking News Stories linked to this puff piece on her Ale House and what does she end up linked to? A story about some guy jerking off at the library on Saturday!
Also - the fact that this local rag's headline for this story is "O MY GOODNESS" should tell you all you need to know about Our Lurvely County. What's next?
MAN CAUGHT FUCKING HORSE AT LOCAL MIDDLE SCHOOL - WELL, FIDDLE-DEE-DEE