Tuesday, April 20, 2010

How Not To Impress The Boss(es)

The library is sponsoring this "Trashed Art" contest for Earth Day; basically, all these local school kids and some adult artists submitted various objets d'art (sculptures mostly, but not exclusively) to the library; the objects are all made of recycled material. The people in charge of this contest put these works out in the library, none more than 20 feet from the Reference Desk; most a lot closer. There are pink slips of paper available for patrons to vote for the recycled art object they like the best.

But there were also supposed to be different slips for the Official Judges - who are various library staff members - two of whom are the Library Director and the Library Chief Financial Officer.

So as luck would have it, they both come up first thing this morning and decide to get all judgey during my time on the desk. They are told by the Circ Desk staff that The Official Judgey Ballots are available at the Reference Desk ... which, apparently, they are supposed to be.

So the Director comes up to me and asks for a ballot. And I go all Ralph Kramden on her because I have no idea where they are because I don't see them and so, to her request for a ballot, I respond thusly:

"Hummina-hummina-hummina! Nawton! Where are those ballots? NAWTON!!"

I and the two other librarians on the desk go in futile search for these ballots. None of us can find them. Which is nice because Misery Loves Company, especially when Misery Will Soon Be Standing In The Unemployment Line.

Luckily, I later learned that it is NOT OUR FAULT that the ballots were unfindable because it turns out the woman in charge of this contest was running late this morning and had not come in yet and she HAD NOT EVEN MADE THE JUDGES' BALLOTS YET much less printed them out!

The solution I offered to the Director and the CFO was that they take a pink patron ballot, cross out the word "Patron" and write in the word "Director" or "CFO", as needed, just as they did in that episode of the TV show M*A*S*H:
Hawkeye: [exasperated at Quartermaster Sloan's denial of his request for a hospital incubator] We're not asking for a jukebox or a pizza oven!
Captain Sloan: Oh, I can let you have one of those.
Henry Blake: No kidding! That would be great on movie nights! You got any of those pizza requisition forms?
Captain Sloan: [referring to a generic Army requisition form] Oh, just use one of those standard S-1798s and write in "pizza" where it says "machine gun."
See, when you're a Reference Librarian, you gotz ta be quick on your FEET.

I'm pretty sure nothing impresses a Library Director and CFO more than seeing three presumably well-trained Information Retrieval Experts looking high and low for a stupid form and not being able to find it.

How we doin', Boss?


  1. BTW, Captain Sloan was portrayed by Eldon Quick (16th cousin).

    If your google reader's going berserk, it's because I just edited my last post 8 times.

  2. Good save, reference librarians!

    It's hard for me to look fucktarded in front of my nurse manager because she's so very far removed from clinical that she could never step into our shoes & help in a pinch. We make it a point to shove her out of the way if there's a crisis on the unit. In fact, I could probably do something mind-blowingly fucktarded in front of her at work, but she'd never pick up on the wrongness of whatever it is that I'm doing.

    Kinda scary as nurse managers go.

  3. What a true master librarian should have said was "we decided to not use the ballots since I can memorize everyone's vote AND keep track of the totals using my vastly superior mind" Think they would have bought it?

  4. Getting the Honeymooners and MASH in the same post - very nice.

    I think the reason your comments are being eaten is that Wordpress thinks you are spamming me. Don't worry - I see all of them and take them out of the spam box and put them right where they belong - on the blog!

  5. This looks like a set-up to make you look bad on the job.

    See conspiracy theory #45


    What BrianFlash meant to say is "Wordpress knows you are spamming him"

    I spent the weekend trying to impress the bosses by dragging teenagers down to a local creek to pick up garbage and all I got out of the deal was a big ass bruise and poison oak.