Monday, April 5, 2010

Polite Monday Morning Post

Yes, "Polite Monday Morning Post" — because I got tired of trying to keep track of what Gentle Number I was up to in my Gentle April Posts series. And it would be impolite and vile to misnumber a post, which was bound to happen.

My Macintosh's built-in spell check wants me to admit that what I meant to say in the previous sentence was that it would be "vile to dismember a post". To which I mentally riposted: It depends on the circumstances. Thus rebuffed, spell check suggested that what I really meant to say was "misnomer a post"; which makes no sense. But I believe that this was spell check's vulgarly unsubtle and impolite way of telling me that there is no such word as "misnumber"— that "misnumber" was a "misnomer"; to which my polite yet firm reply was, "There ought to be such a word. And now there is — at this blog, anyway. But as always, thanks for your input." And so "misnumber" it is and "misnumber" it stays. Fortunately, my resolving to shun impoliteness and rudeness for the month of April did not require my giving up my basic right — nay, basic need — to be passive-aggressive.

Speaking of dismembering posts, one of the reasons I publicly committed myself to trying to post each and every day in the month of April is I find this is the easiest way to keep myself from "dismembering posts". I dismembered three whole blogs' worth of posts late last year — by deleting them — and one of the main contributing factors to that decision was that, since I was not posting to any of them very much near the end, I had too much time to look at, and pull my hair out over, the truly embarrassingly poorly composed older posts that nobody else in the world was giving a second thought to. The posts seemed okay at the time I wrote them and uploaded them. Going back to them later and re-reading them was my undoing, though.

If I keep posting, I won't have time to do that here. So I say to myself, Keep posting, Glaven! The post you save may be your own! This, of course, begs the question as to whether these posts are worth saving. But thusly do I go back and unbeg this question: In the Eyes of the Almighty, every post, like Every Homunculus, is Sacred (<--Impolite Video Link Warning!). So it is my sacred duty NOT to delete these posts. Just as it is yours not to bore yourself by reading them. The lives of these posts should be pointless and unmemorable — not nasty, brutish and short, which would be unGenteel. The mass of posts lead lives of Quiet Desperation, and mine are no different. It's all part of The Almighty's Plan as imparted to us by Henry David Thoreau.

In any case, posting keeps me busy, and when I'm busy, I have less time and less inclination to do harm to relatively innocent blog posts. "But Glaven," you ask, "what if you knew one of your posts was destined to become the Next Hitler Post? Would you delete it then? Because let's face it: Some of your previous ones got close. Mussolini Posts, more like, but kinda escalating to Hitler Post level."

Reader, I would not. Delete it, that is. It is not for me to judge.
In less than a month and a half, I will turn 50, a prospect I look upon with equal parts equanimity and excitement. I feel equanimity because I know that the only real alternative to aging is death — that and that alone stops the aging process, but with the deleterious side effect of rendering one no longer alive. Therefore I will choose aging, thank you very much. And I feel excitement because turning 50 will put me in the 50-59 year old age group, and I'm thinking my prospects of winning an AG award may be better once I am competing against the AARP runners. The 40-49ers were, frankly, handing me my own (marginally impolite word warning!) derrière in every race I ran, no matter how well I performed — which quite often was indeed not very well at all.

I am already signed up for a 5k that will be held one week after my birthday. But at the D&R 5k I just finished, there was an application for a 5k that is being held on my birthday at a site a mere 25 minutes from my house! Today, I shall sign up for that race, too. And with my luck, the same 50-59 year olds who ran the D&R 5k will show up, because I wouldn't have won an AG award in that race even if I had been in their group.

Other race notes: A while ago, I signed up for a 15k race that is scheduled for April 24. At the time I signed up, 4/24 seemed very remote in time. Now here that date is creeping up on me.

A 15k? What was I thinking?

My Goal: Merely To Finish It Alive.


  1. There is logic in your seeming illogic, my friend. Perhaps after I've finished my upcoming marathon (or, more accurately, it finishes with me) I should choose a month and try to run every day. Maybe then I would obsess less about my pace and the like. Food for thought.

    Btw, you look pretty good for a 50-year old hippie. Well, except for the severe lack of tie-dye.

    P.S.--No offense was ever taken, G. You entertain us immensely. I think my mom was just worried that perhaps you had disappeared from the blogosphere again.

  2. I think with the mileage you've been pulling, that 15k shouldn't be as bad as you think. I'd have to defer to SteveQ on that one though. I thought my last race would've gone smoother than it did.

  3. 9.xx miles - you can bust that bad boy out...

  4. Misnumber sounds right. Malnumber would then be intentional misnumber.

    15K ain't no thang. Treat it like a training run, convince yourself you're going to do it, look at everyone else and say "if these losers can do it, certainly I can do it."

  5. Maybe Gentile April's more your line. I'll just keep posting pics of guys reaching into my dirty shorts until May!

  6. Haha! That's hilarious. Because it totally didn't get that I wanted to go out for sushi instead of "sushit."