Saturday, May 22, 2010

Everything But The ...

Hey, here's a head-scratching visual puzzle for ya:

What's this?

Can't tell? I'll give you a hint: It used to be the bane of my existence.

Need more? Okay, here it is from an angle you may be more used to seeing it from:

Yeah, yep, you got it! Fuckin'-A right, it's that sink1! Can you tell where it is?

It's at our front curb2 waiting to become some other luuuuzer's problem! Because today is our town's town-wide garage sale day and last night Teh 'Bride also put out a curb alert on freecycle for this thing, so all the local hoarders (and there are many, Teh 'B herself being Their Leader) will have a chance to come take it and add it to their collection of cat hair, balls of string, n*ts@ck cozies, etc.!

Woo-Hoo!

So here's me (aka, "I", when I'm being grammatical) giving my approval to this whole shebang:

See how erect and upright that thumb is, ladies? Yeah, it can stay that way all night long!1! Am I turning you on?

Sorry, though, girls! The thumb's attached to a married man!

Hahahahahaha! I mean a married PIG!1!

Later today: A 5k trail race. Report probably this afternoon, after visiting Teh 'Dad.
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YEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Totally stole this from Comixed. (Click to Embiggen.)
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1 For those of you unfamiliar with the back story of Teh Sink, here it is in a n*ts@ck nutshell:

Well over a year ago, a neighbor got a new sink and put this one out at her curb as trash, because that's what it was even back then: Trash.

But Teh 'Bride decided that what was missing amongst the piles in our house was some actual garbage plopped in the middle of our kitchen counter; garbage from which we could draw the water we drink and and use to cook our food. Because water from a tap? Yeah, that's good enough for the little people. But important people like Brad, Angelina, Lady Gaga and us? We deserve Garbage water.

So Teh 'Bride took the Garbage Sink with the intent of replacing our sink with it.

She never did and it sat outside by our shed for over a year, where it became a mosquito-infested malarial swamp for a while.

So now we drink quinine all the time instead of Garbage Water.

2 Yeah, it's a "curb" in kinda the same way that the bullshit coming out of Sean Hannity's mouth is a "logical argument": the latter's made up of words, and has all the parts, seemingly, of a rational utterance — save the actual rationality, possibly due to the speaker's constitutional inability to engage in actual thought2a, and therefore cannot be said to be rational, valid or in any way persuasive to anyone other than fellow-traveler douchebags2b; while the former, while made of cement and residing at the juncture of lawn and street, lacks the formal property of being uncrumbling and therefore cannot actually be said to be an actual curb.

And Fuck ME if I'm paying a grand to have some guy come and pour a new one — because the cheap fucking town isn't going to do it.

But you know what really gets on my tit? NOBODY else on our street has a collapsed curb! it's the same fucking curb but when it gets to the front of our house, it fucking collapses! Then, it becomes structurally sound again starting at the property of the neighbor after us! DUBYA TEE FUCK?!1?!1

I blame Obama. Because sometimes I'm a fucking douchenozzle asshole so WHERE'S MY "NEWS" SHOW, FAUX NEWS?!1?

2a It is, in other words, usually an ad hominem attack (not unlike the one I use in the footnote above, but, ya see, people (and I use that term loosely in Hannity's case) who engage in such invalid argumentation, and their supporters, are not in a position to credibly complain when their own methods are used against them — even though they will ... O they will ...  because, essentially, they're fucking douchenozzle assholes — because by using those techniques, they tacitly accept their validity), or a straw man argument, or, on days when Seannie's just being lazy, an outright prevarication, which is liberal-speak for "lie".

2b Rush? Are your ears burning right about now? That could be because I was thinking of you ... or it could be yet another side-effect of Viagra- and Oxycontin-abuse.

2 comments:

  1. I'm dying of curiosity here. How on earth did you manage to convince Teh Bride to relinquish her hold on such a treasure?

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  2. You are so dead when she reads this.

    Hoo! I bet you end up pouring a new curb AND carting the sink back to the shed with promises to install it yourself!

    That makes me giggle like a little girl.

    Shut up, G.

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