Friday, May 28, 2010

"I Still Hear Music" ...

... sez Teh 'Bride to me as I walk in the kitchen door after this morning's 5.47-mile run at a truly craptacular 9:30 pace.

She's referring to the fact that my iPod is still playing ("The Dirty Jobs", if you must know, since it's All Who All The Time with me lately because I'm a Who-wer — HAR!1!) even though I've been running for 51+ minutes.

And so it was ... still playing.

And here's why:

Yesterday, I got my Macintosh to recognize the iPod even though the latter had locked up; and I noticed that one of the options iTunes gives you is to Nuke The Whole iPod If It's Acting Fucked (I'm paraphrasing) and then reload everything, from iPod operating system software to your last, lonely podcast. And since iTunes is Teh Mothership — it doesn't matter what gets deleted from teh 'pod itself because it'll sync with my iTunes the next time I connect Teh 'pod to Teh Mac — I figured: Why the fuck not nuke it? I mean, what did I have to lose? I'd tried everything else, including the Advanced IT Professional Technique of literally throwing the iPod at the ground — which I did in my new garage workout area that has the rubber padded floor, because that's where the iPod froze on me yesterday — so that it bounced back up 2-and-a-half-feet in the air and I was actually able to catch it before it landed again1 ... and, predictably, that did not work.

But it made me feel better. And gave me a bit of a chubby. Because it's a man's game beating up on technology.

Long story short, nuking the iPod and reloading everything from scratch seems to've worked. Teh 'pod has been behaving ever since. We'll see how it goes from here.

Now, those of you who read my post the other day — the one in which I fantasized about kicking Steve Jobs in the n*ts@ck even though I knew if I did so that his sister, Bleau2, whom everyone wants to date for obvious reasons, would never go out with me — are probably asking right about now, Hey, Glaven, don't you owe Steve Jobs an apology?

To which I answer: No, I do NOT; and: I regret, and retract, nothing.

Because here's the thing: Steve Jobs doesn't want my apology. He wants my money. And yesterday he got it.

Because, impatient asshole that I am, I went online and ordered myself an iPod nano because I was sure the old iPod was permanently fucked and there is no way, just no way, I'd be able to run without music because running, not to put too fine a point on it, just utterly blows. And you're thinking, Well, just return the nano. But I can't because they offered free engraving, an offer I took them up on, and so now there's that signpost up ahead saying: Noreturnsville, 1 mile; Population: Glaven.

Unless Apple can find another customer who wants a green nano that's engraved No1 can love w/o the grace of some unseen & distant face3 — which seems highly unlikely.

But that's fine; I want the nano anyway. It's smaller and it has a few new features and I can afford it and it was my birthday just a few days ago and this iPod can be all mine and I won't have to share it with Ian and Teh 'bride and if you're wondering why I'm making so many excuses for having purchased this thing it's because, if Teh 'Bride reads this post, that's how she's finding out I bought this thing. I really hope she doesn't read this post, because then I'll have a few more days left to live.

But my real point is ... Honey, I love you. I love how you're so forgiving and you rarely get violent and when you do I just tell people I ran into a door and I think they buy it. Like when I dislocated my should "running". Yeah ... "running" ... sure sure ... that's how it happened.

But I'm keeping the nano.

I really hope Teh 'Bride doesn't read this post.
Since I talked about The Who's great three-part harmonies yesterday, here's another example: "Tommy, Can You Hear Me" (even though, what with this nano kerfuffle a-brewing, maybe I should be playing "My Wife"):

1 If you are not an IT Professional, do NOT try this at home.

Try it some place more public so the people around you can laugh at you. Hopefully, I'll be one of them, because, as an IT Professional, I know that this Advanced Professional IT Tactic never works, and I love to see the look of disappointment in an amateur's eyes when it doesn't work.

2 Pronounced "Blow". Get it?!?1? "Bleau Jobs"? Har!

3 And in case you're wondering ... yes, it does bug me that I had to use those fucking IM abbreviations to make that quote fit.


  1. FIRST1!

    So far I have been able to avoid all of the Steve Jobs evil empire. I run with cheap ass mp3 player.

    I really want an iPod touch, but I am way too cheap to buy it myself.

  2. Word to the wise Nano's are ridiculously sensitive to large amounts of boob sweat. They do tell you that in the 456 page, online .pdf manual.

    5.47-mile run at a truly craptacular 9:30 pace.

    We have had this conversation before. Do not make me find some other churlish lexicologist to stalk. (My first time using 'churlish' in a sentence. Very cool! And usually the first time totally bleaus, despite what we girls tell you boys.)

  3. RE: the quote: I would have gone with "His brain was squirmin' like a toad"

    But then you have to do the dance.

  4. Because it's a man's game beating up on technology.

    Did I tell you about the time I came home to see a screwdriver sticking out of the center of our sprinkler timer?

    Hubby stabbed it. That did not work either, but I do think their was some chubbifying in the process since he left it that way for 3 days.

  5. Gah! THERE! I meant THERE. God,G. Have a little mercy please.

  6. With the big bucks librarians get paid (I mean they're literate and everything so how can they NOT be paid big bucks?) Teh Bride will be happy you're only coming home with a nano. I could be worse. You could be bringing home a tricked out iPad.

    The truly engaged IT Professional would have brought tools to the game, not just muscles. A hammer comes to mind. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

    I don't know how you run with music filling your ears. That would drown out the noise in my brain and that's infinitely more interesting.

  7. ... sez Teh 'Bride to me as I walk in the kitchen door after this morning's 5.47-mile run at a truly craptacular 9:30 pace.

    Perhaps you were being weighed down from the guilty burden....

    No, not the burden of said iPod purchase, rather, the burden of being a Phillies Phan....The ballpark is rather tidy after the sweep...

  8. I got the Bleau joke instantly. I choose to believe that it's because I live in the French part of this country and not because I have a dirty mind.

  9. @Lauren - At first, I didn't explain/belabor the pun in the footnote, on the theory that nothing ruins a good (blow job) joke like pointing out why it's allegedly funny.

    I should have gone with that impulse and ended footnote two at "Pronounced 'Blow'".

  10. My hub has come home with much worse than a Nano.

    I was a very understanding wifey, so I'm not sure why he whimpers & ducks his head when I stamp my foot.