Monday, May 24, 2010

Mammarian Epistemology And Metaphysical Ta-Tas

I have been a very lazy book-reader of late, taking forever to read things after I start them. I allow myself to be too easily distracted by other, easier things: blogging; reading blog posts; listening to music; watching TV; hell, even just staring into the middle distance at nothing in particular. All of these things have taken precedence over real1 reading, of late.

For instance, Teh 'Dad always spoke highly of Friedrich Nietzsche, and not just because his name contains the truly impressive and rare tzsch run of consonants. Because we — "we" being teh fruit of Teh Dad's Overactive Irish Loins, i.e., his children — always thought it was weird that Teh ÜberCatholic 'Dad would have a soft spot in his heart for the originator of the concept of Teh Übermensch. Generally speaking, Teh 'Dad, who spent the early 1940s fighting against the guy he likes to refer to as "Easy Al" Hitler, has little sympathy for Nazis or their philosophical forebears, such as "Frisky Fred" Nietzsche.

And so I always wanted to read me some Nietzsche to see what exactly it was that Teh 'Dad sees in Teh Profoundly Deep Fried. Nietz.2. There's gotta be more to Friedrich N. than the proto-Nazi Master Race-ish stuff like the Übermensch, right? So I took Thus Spake Zarathustra out from the library over a month ago; but it's really not the kind of book you should read 5 pages at a time in bed just before — wait for it! — going to sleep3. Which is largely how I've been doing it.

So here it is over a month later, and I'm still reading it. And yesterday, I took Ian fishing, so I sat and read it while he was doing his thing and I actually got to read about 40 pages of it and now I think the guy's a fucking genius because yesterday I came across this moving and profound passage that seemed to speak to me directly:
There are on earth many good inventions, some useful, some pleasant: for their sake is the earth to be loved.

And many such good inventions are there, that they are like woman's breasts: useful at the same time, and pleasant.
Wow. I can't wait till I get to the chapter in which Zarathustra Spakes on the issue of Vagina-Aesthetics and the etiquette of Surreptitious Whale-Tail Spotting. Because he is sooo right! Woman's breasts are useful. If I had a dime for every time I forgot my house key and had to use a tit to jimmy the lock, I'd be a rich man4.

God Bless all you women out there and Double Bless Your Useful Breasts!1!
Friedrich Nietzsche (above): Knew How to Appreciate a Nice Rack When He Saw One (Or Two)
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I start my shoulder PT today. I don't think I'll need it for long because the shoulder seems to be healing pretty well on its own. I just want to learn a few exercises that will strengthen the muscles so I'll never dislocate it again. NEVER.

Later today, I intend to go on a 6.5-mile run.

Who posts resume tomorrow or maybe later today if I get really bored. I know you all can't wait!1!

UPDATE 10:15 a.m.: I actually ended up running 7.72 miles this morning at a 9:24 pace (took me 1:12:25), which is not nearly as bad as it sounds because I included a sprint up teh foothill to Teh Schmatterhorn in this morning's run. PLUS, facing down my demons, I ran the trails behind the school for the first time since falling and dislocating my shoulder back there. I got to the steps that lead down to the school parking lot ... lightly touched the top one  ... and turned around unscathed.
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1 Pffttt! No your stupid fucking blogs don't count as real reading. And mine doesn't count as real reading for you, either. Go read a real book, for chrissakes! You're as bad as I am.

No, not you, SteveQ. You're good for now. You need to go do something stupid (I mean, something stupid other than running 50-mile or -kilometer races). Like ride an ATV and post a picture of yourself doing it on your blog.

You too can be an ATV whoo-wer.

2 Mmmmmmm ... Deep Fried Nietz ...

3 Admit it: You wanted me to say the Nietzsche-reading was some sort of weird sexual foreplay. But it's not.

That's what Hubba-Hubba Hegel is for! Hey baby, I'll show you my thesis if you show me your antithesis ... Oooooooo, baby, you really put the "tit" in antithesis! ... O my god O my god O MY GOD, DON'T STOP, THAT'S SOME GOOD DIALECTICS!!1!!!11!! — I think I just achieved the best synthesis of my LIFE!1! Was it World History-Ending for you too, baby? 

Wanna invade Poland? 

4 Rich in the sense that I had just convinced some skirt to let me man-handle her tit to "jimmy" a door that was already unlocked! Score! They fall for it every time! Everyone knows you need a penis to jimmy a locked door because a keyhole is female!1! That's why God put Adam and Eve in the Garden, not Bob Villa and Handy Manny!1!

5 comments:

  1. Am I actually first? Wow.

    I just wanted to let you know that I searched four in one blog at home to find you and this popped up.

    http://mormonshadesofgay.blogspot.com/

    Fitting.

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  2. Personally, I find women's breasts useful only one at a time, rather than "at the same time," but pleasant nonetheless - well, except that one time, in band camp...

    Yeah, I read TSZ (ASZ auf Deutsch) all in one gulp [as it were], ubermensch [nie umlaut!] that I am.

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  3. That's what Hubba-Hubba Hegel is for! Hey baby, I'll show you my thesis if you show me your antithesis ... Oooooooo, baby, you really put the "tit" in antithesis! ... O my god O my god O MY GOD, DON'T STOP, THAT'S SOME GOOD DIALECTICS!!1!!!11!! — I think I just achieved the best synthesis of my LIFE!1! Was it World History-Ending for you too, baby?

    Wanna invade Poland?"


    OMG. You may have just uncovered the mind boggling secret as to why you were a virgin until 35. Just a thought.

    Only you could find a tittie quote reading "Frisky Fred" (Hoo! Teh Dad cracks me up every time!)

    @ Lauren: Fucking HIL-AR-I-OUS! That made my, and apparently at least four Mormon men's, day

    @ SteveQ: Rawr!

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  4. Ok, the Ian video was flippin' adorable. I love the mournful stare into the fruitless abyss.

    Damn illusive catfish.

    (Don't get excited Ian videos are the only ones I deem interesting enough to click on)

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  5. Dammit. I would have sworn 'epistemology' was a made up word.

    Granted it would have been a lame made up word, but still.

    Stop making me feel stupid! I am not stupid! (ATV picture notwithstanding)

    ReplyDelete