I know I promised Who Script 3 today, and you may still get it, but it'll more likely be tomorrow because ...
Last night was Teh Boy's Spring Festival performance and, as is the norm with these things, it was incredibly cute and unintentionally hilarious.
It didn't start till 7 but we had to have Ian there by 6:30, so we were sitting around in the hot and humid gym for a half hour before the performance started and I hadn't even had a chance to change into shorts because we were so rushed1. So as usual, I'm looking at my fellow townies and I don't recognize a soul because I have cultivated an air of obliviousness which really doesn't take all that much cultivating because not noticing things pretty much comes to me natural-like. And of course my peopley-personable spouse, Teh 'Bride, is all "That little girl used to be in my storytime ... That fat bald guy? Yeah, he was the quarterback on my high school's football team. He's actually nice, unlike most football players ... That little boy over there? He was in my special needs storytime ..."
And I glance over to where Teh 'B. is indicating the little boy is, and it turns out he's right in front of his mother, who, at the moment kinda bends forward in her chair and what does Mr. Oblivious see?
And I look back at Teh 'Bride and get all Ian-y (i.e., I mouthed the words "O MY GOD!!!") and Teh 'Bride's all embarrassed because she didn't realize that she was pointing my eyes toward a rare spotting of a woman in mid ass crack-flossing, and for a full 30 seconds I couldn't stop giggling and I whisper (at least I hope it came out as a whisper2): "Looks like Mom has some 'special needs' of her own! Tee-hee-hee!1!" and it's like I can't help trying to sneak peeks over there to make sure I didn't imagine this, but I didn't, because there the whale tail is every time, in all its dark burgundy glory.
Hahahahahahaha! Best. Mandatory. Attendance. School Event. EVAH!1! Hahahahahaha!
The woman eventually left and lamentably took her flossy ass with her3.
Anyroad, one of the songs Ian and Crew did was "Papa Loves Mambo", which included little dance steps AND — we knew this because Ian thought doing it was weird — a PELVIC THRUST accompanied by a grunted "UNH!!"4
And here it is (Ian's in the long-sleeved shirt with the tail out, next to the kid with the tie):
That was Teh Awesome.
1 Not that it's any of your business, but the reason we were rushed is the county clerk's office is open one night per month and last night was that night and we needed to get there to renew Ian's passport because kids' passports are good for only 5 years, not 10, and this summer our Big Vacation is a cruise to the exotic Isle of Kanadia and Teh 'Bride was worried that if Ian didn't have his passport, he'd be seized by Evil Brown-Shirted Kanadian Storm Troopers who would throw him into an Igloo Dungeon and force unspeakable things on him: "Here, Young Hoser — eat this Kanadian Bacon, eh?"
Don't do it, Ian! It's a trick! It's HAM!1!
And so we had to eat dinner first, get the passport, then get Ian to the performance.
Just getting him to eat dinner was a trial. "Can I go outside?" "No, Ian, we're in a rush! We have to do your homework, get that passport, get you to school for the performance ..." "So I can't even go out and PLAY!?! O MY GOD!!!!!" [Yeah, we're the worst parents ever.]
"Eat your dinner, Ian." "But I'm not hungry!" "If you don't eat, you'll have a total freak!" "I won't freak at school! O MY GOD!!!!!" "I know — you'll wait till after the performance and we'll have to deal with all that loveliness at bedtime."
"O My GOD!!!!!"
And the only reason I'm telling you all this, which as I said is none of your business, is I'm killing time till the video I want to include above finishes uploading to youtube. It's done now, so you'll get no more Heisenberg family secrets in this post!
2 It was probably more a breathy yell.
3 Her ass wasn't that great — Teh 'Bride's is way better; it was probably a 6 or 7, tops. But I'm giving it a TEN because spotting it at a school event? That is deserving of being graded on a curve!
And WHAT a curve!1!
Plus I can't be blamed for looking because Teh 'Bride pointed her out! Am I right, ladies?
4 So perhaps thongs were appropriate attire.