Thursday, June 3, 2010

May Numbers and Assorted Sh*t, aka "Holy Poo"

I bring you — better late than never — my ....

May Numbers!1!

I ran a total of 85.88 miles, not exactly 100, which is the number total I always have in the back of my mind for each month; but considering I dislocated my shoulder mid-month, I am not displeased with this number and I intend to use the shoulder excuse for months and months to come when I fall short in the monthly run-total department.

I walked 36 miles at lunchtime. Meh.

I recumbently and pussily biked 70.4 miles. It would have been more than that except I Broke Morrissey. Teh 'Bride is gonna call her welding place (yeah ... she has a welding place) to see if I can take him in to be welded.
Well, Teh 'Bride, it seems, does not read my blog much because she didn't learn of the imminent arrival of the new iPod nano by reading this post, which I already kinda grokked because she never said anything about it. And also she didn't kill me, a dead — or non-dead — giveaway. So I took the other indirect route of telling her, which was to tell Ian I had bought a nano and instruct him not to tell mommy, which I knew virtually guaranteed she'd be told. And she was, but she didn't tell me he told until yesterday afternoon, when the nano finally arrived.

She must still need me to change light bulbs or something because I'm still not dead.

Teh nano is very small and light and very cool and it even does video, which I kinda realized when I bought it, but wasn't why I bought it. So anyroad, here's the first video from it (Ian was unaware I was taking a video; he thought it was just a picture. When he found out it was a video, he told me to delete it, so I faked doing that and then uploaded it to youtube anyway. Yeah, it's no Squirmin' Toad Dance, but it'll have to do):

"Holy poo!" about sums it up.

Full disclosure: In fact, the actual first video I took was of Teh 'Bride lounging supine on the sofa watching one of her shows. But when Teh 'Bride gets all snaky-eyed and tells you to "Delete that!" you don't fuck around. You delete it.

Not that I would have uploaded it to youtube anyway.

I'm not sure if this (see pic below) is what Teh 'B. was watching at the time, but it's possible:

Paralyzed and Pregnant with Twins. Fucking underachiever! Just because you're paralyzed is no reason to fall a full six zygotes short of Octomom! Pffttt! How did this luuuuzer ever get her own show? Unless this luuuzer is a dude, a twist that, with a 'Bride show, is always a possibility.

Our dvr is just littered with shows like that. I don't know how she finds them, unless the dvr has some sort of show search category labeled "Freaks".
And this here is Ian fishing up in the Poconos last weekend and yes the Poconos really do exist, B*tch!1!

I managed to almost entirely blot out my little 6-year-old nephew Colin — who by this late hour (roughly 4 p.m.) was already in his SpongeBob pjs — with my big, lumbering, cloddish body.

Don't be hatin' on me because I'm a big, lumbering clod! Hate me because I will never — never — reveal the recipe for my SploogËnBraü1!1!
1 Surgeon General's Warning: Pregnant women should NOT drink SploogËnBraü because it may cause birth defects. Non-pregnant women should not drink SploogËnBraü because it may cause pregnancy because of its high splooge content.

But take heart, non-pregnant women! Nobody said anything about not gargling with it! I won't think less of you if you don't swallow1a.

1a Added because yesterday's post was not quite icky and piggy enough.


  1. Every time Ian appears on your blog, he has 1) aged at least ten years, and 2) increased his 'cool' factor roughly ten fold. "Holy Poo?!" How does he do this stuff? I'm amazed.

    Then again, young Edwin does some pretty amazing stuff with Poo, also.

  2. Holy Poo, you're back!!! I had heard rumor that you were back in the blogging world.. am I the last to know?!

  3. Yes Mel, you are the last to know. But don't feel bad, next week someone else will be the last to know.

    I'm disappointed that you only plan to use the shoulder excuse for months and months. Come on, this one is GOLD! Don't think so small. Years, buddy, YEARS!!!!

  4. Per usual you have too much that I MUST comment on, but you will have to wait. Do you know they actually expect me to TEACH the last 2 weeks of school?!

    What up with that, homies?! We be DONE!!

    I will just leave one teaser comment and them come back 7 or 8 more times to finish my thought.

    Per usual.

    Teaser comment: I am loving Teh bride more and more. Maybe LA Run Buddy and I should invite her "running" with us. ;)

  5. Was the DVR snapshot really just an excuse to slip in that you watch the shake weight infomercial over and over. I think you just wanted a picture of those buff oiled shoulders shaking that weight HARD!!1!

  6. Congrats on those huge numbers; what an accomplishment!