Fuck you! Get your own 50-year-old geezer's body! They probably sell 'em cheap at Mall-Wart.
Okay, okay, we've established I won't give it up (so to speak) for you, but I'll share because I'm more comfortable being that kinda whoo-wer — the sharing kind.
So here you go:
Tell Me What Kankocracy Looks Like!
This is what kankocracy looks like!
I decided to get this week's Kankle Run outta the way as soon as possible. So even though I just did a K. Run like 4 daze ago, I opted to do this week's today.
Teh Bloody Wound on my right kankle hadn't even healed since last week, but I put the weights on anyway and ran 2.33 miles.
There were some theological ghouls awhile ago who decided to take some corpses and nail them to crosses by their hands and feet to see if they would stay on the crosses. The hands and feet did not have sufficient bone matter to hold the bodies' weight. So these "scientists" concluded that Jebus must have been nailed to the cross through his ankle and wrist bones.
Note that MY stigmata are on my ankles. Unlike those people with the fake foot ones.
I'm just saying. If you choose to, say, worship me because of my ankle wounds, who am I to say no1?
Part II: In Which The Body Parts Get Even Glavener and UGLIER (Which May Be Redundant)!1!
Hahahahaha! Sorry to spring that one on you without warning, but the look on your faces made it totally worth it! Show of hands, ladies — how many of you just turned immediately lesbian after seeing that2?
Now, there is nothing particularly remarkable about that face other than that it has apparently been savagely beaten with an ugly stick. It is, indeed, me, first thing in the morning, before coffee or shave. The full-face shot is bad enough, but let's go in a bit closer to see the real atrocity, shall we?
ZOMG!1! It's an in-grown mustache trying to make its way out on to the upper lip by way of Teh Nose!1!
I'm not sure if I have abnormally aggressive nose-hairs or an abnormally short nose, but the fact is, if I don't trim those bad boys weekly, they get like that; and after two weeks ... well, let's just say my nose-hairs were the original inspiration for Scott Smith's The Ruins. (Bastard still hasn't paid me any royalties!) They would take over the entire state of Joisey, given half a chance. They're more like kudzu than nose-hairs.
Note also that many of them are gray. And yes, ladies, the carpet matches those drapes! (Am I turning ... etc.?)
I'll spare you a second facial (so to speak) and just show you the post-trim nose:
Still a thicket, but a controlled one.
Hahahahaha! Good luck keeping your breakfasts down NOW!
1 Ladies: There are waaaaay better parts on my body for YOU all to worship.
Am I turning you ... etc.?
2 Really, I wanna know, because that's just hawt!1!