Thursday, August 12, 2010

Post Race Pre-Report: Making Teh 'Bride Happy: Teh Heisenshave

I went for my physical today (about which more anon), after which I decided I would do the inevitable — viz., shave off the hated beard, in which I never did get around to making a kisshole — but I figured I would do it on the spur of the moment, without even hinting to Teh 'Bride, or Ian, about my plans. So without further ado, her is pre-shave me:

This is me backwards because I took the pic in the mirror and as you can plainly see, I'm not smiling because it's hard (that's what she said) to aim at yourself in a mirror and smile because I was never good at multitasking and a few of you have said I should smile because maybe smiling would like offset the ugly, I guess?

So I tried again, this time holding the camera out at arms arms-length and shooting blindly backwards, like a fucktard:

So fuck all of you who told me to smile because now it just looks as though I'm happy to be ugly, WHICH I'M NOT!1!!

Anyroad, this isn't about me; it's about Teh 'Beard, which I intended to terminate with extreme prejudice, and did:

Again with the smiling?

What you probably can't see because I ensmallinated the pic is that there are flecks of blood on my rather capacious, lantern-jawed chin and also little bits of beard hair on my face, neck and upper chestal region. Only upper-chestal region today: sorry, ladies; no nips for you. You have to earn that.

And so now Teh 'B. can once again see those non-@$$al dimples that she missed, though Dog knows why she'd want to.

Later today, I hope to get my Flying Pig Race Report up, or, to put it another, better, more suggestive way:

The Flying Pig Race Report: I Hope To Get It Up.

Till then, live with this contrast:

Last year, I ran this Flying Pig 5k only because Teh 'Bride wanted teh piggie tee. And last year the tee was tasteful, just yellow with a drawing of a flying pig on it. (Some n*ts@ck-fondling fucktard seems to've deleted all the photos of that shirt, along with my old blog.)

So I ran it this year so I could get a flying pig tee.

And here's what this year's tee looks like (click to embiggen):

That's a lot of fucking pink. I know pigs are pink, but ... Man! Lucky I'm secure in my masculinity. Why wouldn't I be? I used to have the beard to prove it.

I wore "Pigasus" proudly to my physical this morning. Wouldn't you?

I mean, assuming you are a girl!1!


  1. If I saw you on the street, I wouldn't think you were ugly. That's all you are getting from me today.

  2. You were starting to look like you played with Phish. That's neither compliment nor dig.

  3. uh...I had a comment, but then I got distracted by all the topless photos.

    I like the shirt. I'm not a huge fan of pink, but it's cute. I like his little tail.

  4. It's better w/o the beard.

    Pig T is very groovy.

  5. I want to know why you're topless. What ELSE is going on that we can't see? Creepy!

    Now that makes me wonder if I should have posted the sports-bra-only sweaty skin closeup picture I took after my nine miles yesterday instead of the family-friendly fully-clothed version I included in yesterday's post?

    That is the gayest shirt ever. And I mean that in the best way.

  6. 1. That shirt is so AWESOME it is impossible to quantify, even with multiples of googleplex. The fact that you do not have a picture of yourself in said AWESOME shirt is quantifiably shitty, however. GQH FAIL.

    2. Thank you for the topless shot. Good call on the no nips. You have to go pay site when your porn goes to that level, and IMO porn should be like men, free and subject to cutting out before the big finish.

    3. Let the record reflect (now with photographic evidence), Teh Bride and I were 100% correct on the necessity of the nutsack tickler removal.

    4. I do think it is more than a little AWESOME (yes, I know I need a fucking thesaurus. Whatevs.) that you are now taking RBR-esque self portraits.

  7. The shirt brings back feelings of my "drug" days of the '70's!
    I think, either with or without the beard is just fine!

  8. You look like some sort of deranged serial killer in the first picture. Or maybe a mug shot, can't decide.

  9. I'm cracking up at all of the topless comments. And Needlerunning ... LOL.

    But seriously, you look like a nice man. Not the kind of man who talks about n@ts@acks 24/7

    :) Have a good wknd.

  10. We need another intervention, Diana has clearly been smoking crack.

    GQH sans nutsack tickler = mucho mejor