Friday, October 1, 2010

Fun With Numbers

I'm not sure if any of you out there with your own blogs noticed this, but at some point, I think in the relatively recent past, Teh Blogger Foax added something they call "Stats" to the Blogger dashboard. I assume "Stats" is short for "Statistics," which, if it is, is wrong because what you'll find under the tab "Stats" is not statistics, but really just an accumulation of meaningless, though interesting, numbers; and unless I'm mistaken, numbers don't become statistics until you or someone else has performed some kind of statistical hocus-pocus on them1, like regression analysis or determining correlations and seeing whether the correlations are statistically significant and so on. This is not exactly my strong suit, so I could be wrong about that.

But the point is I just noticed these "Stats" for my own blog and what the numbers reveal, while not statistically significant, or, for that matter, significant at all, is interesting. To me, at least. So allow me to bore you with a few of these interesting-to-me numbers.

This here is a screen shot of my so-called "Stats", taken this morning (click to embiggen):

One interesting thing is that most of the foax who stalk me are either dudes or Kanadian, because there's Keef, Barefoot2 Neil Z, BrianFlash and SteveQ up near the top. And let me put to rest right now any rumors that this makes me gay or Kanadian. It does not. It makes them gay or Kanadian - possibly both. Me? I'm all man. Need proof? Read footnote 1 again.

But what I really wanted to talk about was the keyword searches. Because, while it makes sense that "fourinoneblog" would be the number one keyword search, the number two keyword search needs some 'splainin'. Actually, keyword searches two and three need some 'splainin' because they are essentially the same search: "eicay vare, eise narde" and "eicay vare, eise narde translate" (you can just barely3 make out KW search 3 in that graphic). Together, there have been eight searches on that phrase.

And it's not a mistake that those searches would bring one here to this blog. Because I did include them in a post I uploaded long ago, which post was my comparison of the two different version of the song "I'm a Man"4 - the Spenser Davis Group version and the later cover version of that song by Chicago, who, I think at the time were still Chicago Transit Authority.

But you (= "I") can't really mention Chicago (the group) without referencing "Saturday in the Park", Chicago's famous rip-off of the piano riff in The Beatles' "You Won't See Me". And you can't mention "SitP" without mentioning the nonsense Italian lyrics in that song:
Singing Italian songs
Eicay vare, eise narde
Can you dig it? Yes I can
Which I of course did.

And it should go without saying that my comparison of those two versions of "I'm a Man" hinged on a poop reference: The Spencer Davis Group version had it and the Chicago version doesn't! They bowdlerized the lyrics!

And at the time, no one read this blog, so I just had fun with this and then to my surprise, some dude named Les came by and told me that I had totally missed the point of the "my toilet's trimmed with chrome" line and had done like this major disservice to Steve Winwood in the process and when I read this comment I kinda just shook my head and thought, Well, seems someone was absent that day in 5th grade when they discussed Irony. And Les was so disgusted by me, evidently, that he never returned.

And then jiif came by and talked about the time he pooped carrots. Because he's a class act.

But I'm burying the lede here. Because the really interesting and even inexplicable thing about this is that there is a person, or perhaps there are people, out there obsessively attempting to find out what Eicay vare, eise narde means, and my stupid blog is at the epicenter of this search.

I find that significant, though not statistically so.
1 In the same way that a "female" (or "girl") does not become a "woman" until a "man" has performed sex on her. And if you're a "female" who would like to become a "woman", why not consider letting "me" be that "man" for you? O, I'll make a woman outta you, all right! I'll make a woman outta you like five times in a row!1!

Assuming you're hawt, of course.

No Fat Chix1a!!!

1a O, for god's sake, RBR, I don't mean you! You're not even big-boned, so stop it. Plus, you've "been around the block" so many times that you went right past "woman" and straight to "whoo-wer" ... is what I hear. But I wouldn't know. And far be it from me to start any rumors.

2 And I'm really hoping that his foot is the only thing that's bare when he reads my blog, because, Dude, 90 times? What are you? A machine? Sometimes I just want to cuddle or be left alone. Man! Stop being so needy!

3 Not in that sense! Put your clothes back on, Neil Z!

4 No, not the Bo Diddley song. The other one.


  1. I love looking to see what brings people to my blog! It's quite amusing to say the least. Most of my search phrases are for a dog breed that is named Diana-go f**king figure. I have a dog breed to be named after. Plus the next big one is people searching for IBS and cabbage. Good to know I'll be remembered long after I snatch for the last time!

  2. I have two posts that get traffic: "Why Do Men Run Faster Than Women?" and "100 Mile Training Plan." Referring sites are back-of-the-pack women bloggers and really fast serious racers.

    Not one person goes from your site to mine!

  3. It's because I keep telling people how unbelievably funny you are, then they click from my site to yours. Problem is, they come back and say... 'I don't get it, all he ever talks about is his massive junk and flat @$$.

    Many people who show up at my blog have searched for 'Kids doing it'. Yeah, and they are all from Singapore or New Jersey.

  4. I just looked at my stats and I'm *extremely* concerned over this one:

    bears shigtings in hartsville s.c.

    WTF is that?????? I'm LOL-ing and LMAO-ing and ROTFLMAO-ing. Is it bear shittings in Hartsville or bear sightings in Hartsville? Either way there are no F&*KING BEARS IN HARTSVILLE!!!

  5. There's no bears in Hartsville since I moved, anyway.

  6. Beth - are there signs posted there saying "No F&*king Bears" or is it assumed that people know that's what the raccoons are there for?

  7. The only "bear" I know of in Hartsville is Yogi Bear's Fried Chicken. And I can tell you first hand they serve THE world's best fried chicken. Other than that, no, there are no f&*king bears in Hartsville.

    There are, however, a $hitload of snakes because Hartsville is in "the country" as my grandmother likes to say.

    Oh, and The Lizard Man has also been spotted there ... but that's an entirely different species :)

  8. People! You are missing the BIG news here!

    I beat BOTH SteveQ AND Keef!

    And, for the record,

    they liked it

    A LOT.

    I am just saying...

    @Beth: Sorry, man, I just do not believe that no one in Hartville is fucking bears. Those backward ass country folk will fuck anything.

    And Lizard Man? Dude, next time you see him get his autograph for me. I mean, to be in the presence of the world's most fucktarded creature? That is pretty damn big.

    And, if you could get a picture of him fucking a bear? You could make some bank.

  9. Maybe we're just sensing the deep underlying Kanadianism in your soul. Looked at my own stats. Interesting.