Saturday, October 2, 2010

The Hopewell Challenge: 10 on 10/10 Virtual Race Report

Today I ran the 10k race at the Hopewell Challenge 10k and 2 Mile "Fun" Run event. (This event also counts as my "10 on 10/10 Virtual Race" entry sponsored by Barefoot Kanadian Neil Z.)

I had given serious thought, insofar as I am capable of serious thought, to running the 2 Mile Fun Run, because I had been warned that Teh Hopewell Challenge 10k was called a "challenge" for good reason, that reason being three or four tough hills. And who wants to run up hills? If you said, "Not Glaven", then go to the head of the class1.

Also, I knew that Gabrielle (the YS librarian at one of the branches) was gonna be there and I knew she was gonna run the 2-mile race with her daughter, Ivy, and I thought, "Well, I've never run a 2-miler and I have run 10ks soooo .... maybe ..."

But then fucking Neil Z. has to go and have this virtual thing where what you run has to be 10 of something — kilometres; miles; hectares — and so I signed up for the 10k for the lamest reason possible:

Because a Kanadian told me to.

But be that as it may, I did run the 10k and I'm glad I did for a number of reasons:

1. The stylin' Race Shirt, which you can see me rockin' below, hair still wet from my post-race shower, and the reason I look backwards is I took this pic in the bathroom mirror, is why (you can click to embiggen, but why the Hell would you want to?):

You can't see it too well in that picture but the shirt is very interesting so I took a picture of it alone so you could see what I'm talking about better (click to embiggen):

It's long-sleeved, which I like, but what I like even better is it seemingly depicts two short-haired chicks doing it in some weird only-to-be-found-in-the-Kama-Sutra position on a pale green background. Now it has always been a secret desire of mine to own a tee depicting two chicks fucking on a field of puke and now I can cross that one off my bucket list. And you may think it's weird and perverted of me to have wanted that Tee but did you know that SteveQ is fucking his oven? So who's weird and perverted now, huh?


2. The thing about hills is they also go down (that's what she ... etc.!), and when they do, you can run down them really, really fast, which I did. And when I heard that the H-well Chall. was very hilly, I thought "Well, no PR that day; I'll just try: a) not to walk at any point during it; and b) to finish in under an hour. Those are my goals. But guess what? The hills, while steep at times, all happened in the first 3.5 miles of the race, and then the last mile or more was straight downhill, so I just let gravity be my co-pilot2 and let loose because I had a lot left in the tank and running downhill full-tilt is kinda easy after running uphill for 3.5 miles and the upshot is I managed to finish with a PR of 53:38, which shaved like nearly a full minute and a half off my previous PR time of 55:01, which was totally unexpected, but welcome.

But the thing is, these fucking fast geezers! They haunt me wherever I go! Because after the race, I managed to hook up with Gabrielle and her daughter, and we attended the awards ceremony together, and there were 20 people who ran the 2 mile race and both Ivy (Gabrielle's daughter) and Gabrielle herself won hardware (Gabrielle was especially tickled since hers was Third Place Female 19 or older, and she said she wished that's how people recorded her age all the time), but me? Hahahahahahaha! The third place dude 50-55 beat my Flat Irish @$$ by seven minutes!

And so I ended up 59th in a field of 125 and I ran the race at an 8:35 pace which is a 7mph average. Which I'm relatively happy with.

What I'm not as happy with is this video, below, which I cobbled together from the various videos I took this morning and posted on YouTube. It's choppy and in the first part I had even more taunts to shoot at Neil Z. about his barefootedness but some other dude walked up behind me at that point and caught me talking to myself (seemingly) and so I became self-conscious and stopped videoing. That's why that segment ends with the weird obserbation that they've heard of shoes in Mexico because I meant to go on and say that they call them zapatos. But I don't remember why.

Also, I effed up when I tried to film Ivy receiving her bling because the guy said her last name egregiously wrong and that's why that part of the video is really confusing and jumpy and basically doesn't document anything.

1 Fucking kiss-ass brown-noser!

2 God, Who is usually my co-pilot, did not want to give up His seat, saying things like, "If Gravity sits there, he'll ruin that perfect ass-groove that took Me years to make!" But eventually, He gave the seat up, but He was all sulky about it. He can be such a Drama Queen sometimes!


  1. There. See how much better your life was because you did what a Kanadian told you to do? Now if only the rest of the world would get the message. And, it's Neil Z. Not Neil Zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Zed. And no, that's not metric letters or anything.

    Congrats on the race time!

  2. Actually Keef, since I have 2 Mercans in the house and only 1 Kanadian. I go by Neil Zee.


    Good job on the race time Heisenberg!

  3. Should I be disappointed that you're overlooking the fact that I said I RUINED a stove (and a vagina)? It's that one word that I think makes the whole deal funny.

  4. btw, the Twins went 1-7 after clinching. Typical October.

  5. Congrats on the PR!! Also on scoring such an awesomely hilarious and porntastic shirt!!! i LURVE it.

    I am hounded by geezers, as well. There is currently this 64-year-old SheDevil who is my nemesis. That's right - SIXTY-FOUR. It just kills me that she's stronger and faster than me. But then I remember that she'll die before me, and I am consoled immeasurably.

  6. How exactly does a 10k run on October 2 qualify as 10 on 10/10? Is that some of that backward-ass Kanadian math?

    Oh yes, you read that right, I am calling you a Kanadian, G.

    If it walks like a Kanadian, does math like a Kanadian, then it is a Kanadian.

    And apparently based on your 10k time you are a fast fucking Kanadian.

    Congrats on a HUGE PR! (I said, 'PR' *eyeroll*)

  7. @Deb: old SheDevil might not die before you (check your gun sights, just to make sure).

  8. Sorta on the 10/10 thing: I saw an ad that read: "Case 39 opens on 10.01.10." I wonder if I'm the only one who thought "But that's only 38 in base 2. I should wait a year to see it."

  9. Just want to say I love your blog and your perspective. You now have another female follower. Oh, and Plz don't read my blog because it's empty.