Sunday, October 24, 2010

I Don't Understand Me

You would think that I, as a geezer, would have some sort of intuitive understanding of, like, geezer physiology or metabolism or some other science-y words that make sense only to the Certifiably Insane and the Recently Transgendered Bi-Curious Cross-Dressers. But if you think that then you're a fucking idiot because I don't understand squat about how I myself, A Genuine Geezer, tick.

Because last night I stayed up till after Midnight watching the Phillies lose to the San Francisco Trannies Giants and I was drinking beer the whole time which is why there were so many misspellings in my post and comments last night and I think I may have even ordered a Russian Bride online last night but I can't be sure but I'll let you know in six-to-eight weeks and then I stumbled to bed at like 12:30 a.m. and I vaguely remember getting up to pee at like 2:00 a.m. and then halfway through the peeing remembering it'd probably be a good idea if I aimed the stream at the toilet and then I got up at like 8:30 a.m. and decided to go for a run and for some reason thought I might try a long run because I haven't done one in ages and you would think — wouldn't you? — that after a night like that, a long run for a geezer would be like out of the question.

But again, if you think that, you're a fucking moron because I managed to run 11.06 miles in 1:47:00 which is a 9:41 pace and a 6.2 mph average and I've had six-mile runs that have been slower than that lately and so I'm actually relatively happy with this run, especially since it gets me up (O, yeah, in both senses) to 77.19 miles for the month and I thought I had no chance of getting to 100 for the month, but now I do.

This makes no sense to me and it never will because the only people I'm telling about it is you all and, as I made clear twice in this post, I obviously think you're fucking idiots because of all the wrong-headed beliefs I've arbitrarily attributed to you.

But I'm a fucking idiot, too, because I don't understand this. How did I have such a good run after a night like that? I don't know, because I'm a fucking idiot.

Also? I'm a bit of a douche-nozzle. You know, for calling you all those names and all. There are actually very few of you about whom I feel that way.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!1!

No, wait, you probably don't because you're fucking idiots.

So if you think you're not one of the people about whom I feel this way, you probably are one of the people about whom I feel this way.

Did I just blow your mind? Relax. There are way worse things I could blow.

But only on your birthday.

3 comments:

  1. FIRST!!

    I love those runs. The ones you kind of expect to suck and then they feel almost effortless. That is the "first crack hit" of running. That elusive beast that we all chase.

    RE: the rest of your post - You sweet talker. So nice to hear that I am not a fucking idiot. You sure know how to make a girl blush (well, that and how to make one kick you in the 'nads, but I digress...)

    And stop offering to blow me. GAWD!

    No, means no!

    ;)

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  2. Second!!!
    Yup, the best runs are always the runs we never wanted to do in the first place!
    I know that I am "not" included in that "fucking idiot" category, one reason being is that I have bigger balls than you since I jumped out of a plane (without a gun pointed to my head) and second being the fact that my "snatch" could kick you in the "nads" any time, any day!!
    Be happy that you can run....looks like it's going to be a while for me! :)
    Sometimes this "healthy" lifestyle just keeps me guessing "why"?!!

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  3. Damn, there are some tough talkin broads that follow you. I for one will claim my title as a fucking idiot because I know I am one.

    I do stupid shit all the time. But I've never been dumb enough to drink a ton of beers and then go running. That's pretty effin stupid. Unless you want to blow chunks ... hey wait, maybe that's right up yer alley since you're into blowin stuff.

    Happy Monday! Sorry about the Phillies.

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