My greatest fear is Kanadians bearing gifts1.
Which brings me to today's burning2 issue: Barefoot Neil Z.
You see, Barefoot N. Zed sponsored this virtual race which was called a virtual race because the rules for joining it were virtually non-existent. For example: The race is over now, but there's nothing in the rules that sez you can't still run it. You probably won't win anything ... because the prize-drawings already happened. So you'll have to be in it for something other than one of the prizes.
Which is what luuuuzers always say, anyway: "O, I wasn't in it for the prizes! I was in it for ________ [fill in the blank3]."
Well, guess what, luuuuzers?
I won something! Hahahahahahahaha! In your FACES!1! Especially all of you who said I didn't have what it TAKES to be picked from a pumpkin basket in a random drawing4! Because guess what? I do!
And we know this was a fair drawing because guess who else won a prize in this random drawing?
N. Zed's mother is who! Would his mother agree to be in a drawing if it wasn't on the up-and-up? I think not! QED — it was fair.
As for what I won: it's something called a "SpiBelt" and it looks like this:
Kanadians have only the vaguest idea where the vagina is located.
And so now to claim my prize, all's I have to do, in theory, is send Neil my address. Which is problematic for a number of reasons, the leading one of which being that I live on a street named Vagina Way and — Neil being Kanadian and all — he'll probably end up sending my prize to one of my neighbors by accident. I mean, it'll get close to Vagina Way, but not quite there and I'll just end up frustrated and I'll have to fake having received the prize so he doesn't feel inadequate.
O well. I wasn't in it for the prizes anyway.
1 Followed closely by Kanadians baring their genitals.
Hahahahahahaha! Kidding! Kanadians don't have genitals! They re-produce asexually. In fact, that's how they do everything.
2 That burning sensation means it's working ... asexually.
3 It really doesn't matter what lame thing you fill it in with because we all know you're lying and you wanted a prize and you're just trying to sound all noble with your unconvincing "O, I did it for the kids" or "O, I'm running for all those people out there who can't run because they're lazy" or "I'm running it because I'm trying to impress this really hawt chick with my athleticism and I thought What better place to do this than in the blogosphere on some masochistic Barefoot Kanadian's site?" — well, I got news for you ... that last one doesn't even qualify as noble in theory.
But I respect it. Because "I did it for the nookie" is always a correct answer.
4 That being, essentially, a pulse.
5 If you clicked through to my site from Neil Zed's, that there pic is an example of the kind of PG27 content Neil warned you about. But he forgot to mention that it's not just the language here at fourinoneblog.
I also do offensive pictures.