Saturday, October 2, 2010

NOT a "10 On 10/10 Race Report"

By the time you read this — which (and this may sound arrogant) you will do because if you're reading this, I got news for you: You're reading this!1! — its title, currently "NOT a '10 On 10/10 Race Report'", may have changed because this post'll probably be long and I might not finish it before I leave, in less than one-and-a-half hours, for my 10k race this morning and so (follow me, here) I might actually get back here and write my 10 On 10/10 Race Report before I finish this post and so calling it "NOT a '10 On 10/10 Race Report'" then, after I've already posted my 10 on 10/10 Race Report would be kinda fucktarded and the more clear-minded and rational among you — which needless to say excludes SteveQ from the git-go1 — would be all, "No fucking duh! Of course it's Not a 10 on 10/10 Race Report! You already uploaded wunna those!"

I can see already that I'm not gonna finish this post in time for it to retain its current title.

But here's what this post is: It's a reaction to a couple of the comments on my Pardon My Contumely post, specifically BrianFlash's comment asking for Othello commentary; Non-Fat Chick RBR's comment, fatuously2 asking me to post something that would make her look intelligent in front of her Shakespeare-lovin' friends, which I call "fatuous" because if you repeat anything I say, you will only end up looking more fatuous; and recently-departed-from-the-blogosphere joyRuN's comment admitting that she got married, pregnant (twice!), and parturiated (twice!) just so she wouldn't have to read Shakespeare, which was the sickest sexual perversion I had ever heard of until a couple days later when SteveQ admitted to fucking his oven and joyRuN's sick sexual life began to seem almost quaint in comparison.

Because this post is going to be the inaugural post in my Glaven Gives You His "Thoughts" on Shaxberd series. Actually more a preview, because the series won't start till 2011, probably right after the Super Bowl, or, for you Kanadians, right after Nanook's Tips on Cooking With Blubber on the Kanadian "Food" Channel.

Actually, now this post is too long for me to include in it my Othello commentary, which I will instead do in a subsequent post. So that's the good news: You avoided that bullet for the nonce. Gooder News: Since I am uploading this now, before my 10k run, this post can keep its original title.

Goodest News of all? SteveQ's oven dumped him and is looking for a new lover. (I can tell you firsthand his oven is HOT!1!)

My next post will probably be the 10-on-10/10 post.

Then? Othello.

1 And I'd've said this about him even before I knew he was fucking his oven, but now, since I know about this oven-lovin' perversion of his, it is even more important to make this observation because it now rises to the level of a Minnesotans-Keep-Your-Children-Indoors-Until-You-Hear-Differently Public Service Announcement.

Full Disclosure: Steve's oven is a bit of a whoo-wer and pretty much was asking for it.

Fuller Disclosure: I used to date Steve's oven.

Fullest Disclosure: I think Steve's toaster oven may be my biological son.

2 Unlike stealth-noun "contumely", "fatuously" actually is an adverb, but IT DOESN'T MEAN "FAT" OR HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH WEIGHT!1! I just wanted to make that clear in case Teh Tranny B*Tch were to come by and say, "Geez, G! First you call me a 'Non-Fat Chick', which makes me sound like something you'd find in your Grocer's Genetically-Modified Poultry aisle, then you call me 'fatuous'! Which fucking is it!"

And she'd actually say "fucking" because for an alleged chick? She's got some mouth on her.


  1. I read this before it mutated into something else. I'm not sure what, a non running post maybe. Or more of a non running post than normal. Or maybe GQH is going to run and talk about it in sonnet form. It's harder to tell than normal.

    They did cooking with blubber a while ago. Now it's a series called "Poutine - A Healthy Alternative". Get with the programme.

  2. I think footnote number one is your best footnote yet.

  3. I hope you're sending child support money to your toaster son.

    Even more warped? I just signed up to follow Steve Q. Anyone that "relations" with his oven is worth a read.

  4. @Beth: Just don't follow too closely.

    @G: A "hot" joke? "Bun in the oven" and "yeasty" would be more clever. Then again, Nic still thinks you're funny, so you've got the same following as Chris Christie.

    @Keith: I hate gravy, but I love poutine. Perhaps it's because my ancestors came from Holland, where the pommes frites are served with mayo - and almost anything would be less disgusting than that.

  5. "Eicay vare eise narde" IS gibberish, isn't it? I think the odds are 25 (or 6) to 4 against Chicago making any sense.

  6. 1. pfft! Literature tease! Just see if you get invited to the prom. Everyone knows it is the whoo-wers that get invited.

    2. So I am dense, foolish, AND fat? Thanks, G. You sure know how to make a girl special (At least, that is what your down low friend Matty said.)