Also, turns out my actual time was 24:22, which is three seconds faster than I thought2.
Also: Turns out I'd have been first3 in my (penile4) age group - if they'd done age groups. Which they did not. Suck @$$!
So last week Ian and I were watching the last game of the Rangers-Rays series, with Cliff Lee pitching (excellently, of course) for the Rangers and The Phils had Cliff for half a season last year and he compiled a 7-4 record but went 4wins, NO losses in the post season, including the only two wins we got against the Yankees in last year's World Series.
And while Ian and I are watching the game, Teh 'Bride is also sitting there on the sofa reading magazines. And Lee had made one of his great pitches and Ian and I were like, "Yeah! CLIFF LEE!1!" and Teh 'Bride looks up and asks, "That's Cliff Lee? I thought he was Asian?"
No, 'Bride. That would be his half-brother, Criff Ree.
Hahahahahahahaha! It's funny cos it's borderline racist!
Seriously. The guy was with us for a half a season last year, nearly wins the WS for us single-handedly, and Teh 'Bride never noticed he was Caucasian? Truly, we live in a post-racial world.
Or Teh 'Bride does, anyway.
Hahahahahahaha! "Criff Ree!" I just got that one.
I just today received my Kanadian Chastity Belt (aka, SpiBelt) from Barefoot Neil Z. It looks like this:
Yeah, full-frontal and -dorsal. Wait'll you get a load of my vestigial tail.
1 Right next to the Sweddish1a Border.
1a Yeah, it should be one "d" if I were actually referring to the country, but I'm not; it's a pun, to match the word "Finish" above, which is "missing" an "n" if it's supposed to refer to the country, but it's not. It's a pun, too. But inevitably someone1a1 would come along and tell me I misspelt "Swedish" if I didn't footnote that footnote above.
1a1 Most likely a Swedde.
2 But still slow.
Fuck you, RBR.
3 Or possibly second, because a runner named Tim Carman beat me by a second and Tim Carman's age is listed as "?" and his/her gender is listed as
So let's just say I was second.
For all the good it did me.
4 The fastest 50-59-year-old in the race was actually a Vagino-American named Cheryl Maccarone, and with a last name like that it's no wonder she can run fast. Hahahahahahahaha! I'm SUCH a DICK!1 I mean with the caustic ridicule and all.
But that's what she gets for being like a minute-and-a-half faster than I. FEAR MY RHETORICAL WRATH, SPEEDY SKIRTS!1!