Saturday, October 9, 2010

Why They Won; How They Won

Those of you who read this blog and care about the Phillies — or, as I  like to call all zero of you, "Teh Null Set" — are probably wondering how the Phillies managed to come back from a 4-0 deficit last night to beat the Reds 7-4.

Here's how:

In the 5th inning, Ian started doing this and told me that I had to as well, even though I didn't want to, but, as you people all know by now, he's the boss around here, so I did it.

And the Phils scored two runs that inning. But I evidently didn't Give It to God hard enough, because they should have scored more, and so Ian's all, "Come on, Dad! Do it like you mean it! You're doing it like a Protestant!1"

And so I did it hard, for all I was worth; and God, Who deeply cares about sporting events, gave the victory to us because we're more pious than the Heathen Reds Fans.

Or ... such is my understanding of the sequence of events.

So if you're rooting for the Phils, be sure to thank God for that victory.
But, more to the point ... Thank Ian.
1 Full disclosure: None of these anti-Protestant slurs were actually said. The Heisenbergs are a Big Tent family, and very non-judgmental.


  1. And the satanists are helping the Yankees beat the Twins.

    I once went to a Catholic wedding where everyone except me was served communion. The couple had contacted me, saying that that particular church did not have open communion, but that they used a "don't ask, don't tell" policy, so if I felt uncomfortable about their policy, I could get my Nilla Wafer and slurp and no one would care. I told them that I prefer to stand outside, cuz being a Protestant is hard when there's so little left to protest. Of course, there was also the fear that my head would burst into flame...

  2. Guess now I have to start learning the Phil's line-up. Go non-Yankees!

    Somehow, it's not hard to imagine Lennon turning 70, but it is hard to believe it's been 30 years he's been gone (and Jodie Foster's still not returning my calls). Tomorrow's John Prine's b-day, I think; 61 I think; also Columbus Day (holiday for librarians?)

  3. More like thank God for an adorable Ian and Morgan video to keep this from being only a boring ass Phillies post.

  4. There is no way God is a Phillies fan. He and his true religon obviously root for the Cardinals...