It never quite works out that way ... for more reasons than just the hair, I should add.
Anyroad, Tuesday, when we were off for Erection Day, I figured I'd ask Teh 'Bride to give me a haircut because the hair had just gotten to the point where I looked like a muppet reject, kinda like this guy:
Only with a bigger penis, I suspect2.
You probably think I'm exaggerating, noob, but I'm not and I call you "noob" because if you think I exaggerate you obviously have never been to my blog before because if there's one thing I'm renowned for — and there isn't — it's my scrupulous honesty and lack of hyperbole3 and if you think otherwise YOU'RE WORSE THAN HITLER!1!
Anyroad, here's the ocular proof you require to see the validity of my comparing myself with that muppet, above:
Was I right, or was I right?
A couple of notes: That pic is from like a month ago, when we went on a hayride at a local farm to get our Halloween pumpkin, so my hair was even longer when Teh 'Bride cut it yesterday.
Note Two: There was no fucking wind that day!1! That's just how my hair goes!1! My hair is stooopuder than Conan O'Brien's!1!
So back to the point of my pointless story: On Tuesday, I ax Teh 'Bride to cut my hair — because I won't trust it to anyone else and she always does a good job plus I don't have to pay her— which is an assignment she normally jumps at because she hates hair, especially mine when it is long. But she begs off because she doesn't feel well — and this is how I know she really doesn't feel well because she knows that I could change my mind about getting my hair cut at any moment, and I've done that in the past, and my usual way of telling her I want a haircut is to say, "You have 5 minutes to assemble your implements of mass follicular destruction before I change my mind."
And Teh 'Bride will drop whatever she has in her hands, up to and including a baby, to go get her stuff because she knows the window of opportunity could close at any second and she hates hair even more than she loves not dropping babies.
But on Tuesday, she said no.
But then yesterday, the hair was looking even more ridiculous than it had been on Tuesday, so after dinner last night, I broached the subject again, and Teh 'Bride, realizing she'd been granted a reprieve, pounced, even though we were due at a meeting in like a half hour.
But she got it done in time.
And now I look like this:
__________________It is raining. I wanted to run this morning. Now I can't. Suck!
1 Yeah, that's right, still, even though I'm a geezer of 50. Pathetic, I know.
2 Although on the other hand, look at the size of that guy's nose (if you get my drift)! I bet he's a real hit with Teh Ladies! Man, I can't compete with that!
But then again, every time I try to post a comment at my own blog or someone else's? Blogger says, "It's too long!1!"2a. And I'm thinking, "How does blogger know so much about my penis? When I write my posts, I'm usually wearing pants; I'd estimate 90% of the time." (Not at the moment, though. Hey! Hey, Blogger!1! My EYES are up HERE!1!)
The good news is, Blogger always eventually accepts my long post (so to speak) after a few tries ... I just have to loosen it up first. So see, Ladies? It can be done. And it's soooo worth it.
2a FYI, Blogger: That's what she said!1!
3 Yes, slg, I know that's two things. I may be a science fucktard, but I can count!1!