Thursday, November 25, 2010

Turkey ... UPDATED!1!

... trot1.

It starts in like 45 minutes. I'll roll outta here in like 20.

Teh 'Bride bought me a $1 Bondi Band at a flea market the other day and I was gonna wear it in this race — and had I, it woulda been the first race in which I did not wear one of my two Daniel-san Karete Kid headbands with the oriental characters for "douche satchel" on them — but Ian absolutely would NOT let me because he said it made me look like a girl. "A pretty girl?" I asked.

"No," he replied. Then ran into the bathroom to scrub off the cooties.

Anyroad, after the race, we head out for a Noontide Thanksgiving Meal at this 300-year-old Inn. So it'll be a while before I get it up2.

So I leave you with this joke that I heard David Sedaris tell the other night, because it made me laff:

A guy is sitting alone at home one night watching TV and a knock comes on the door. The guy opens the door and looks down to see a snail there.

"I'd like to talk to you about buying some magazine subscriptions," sez the snail.

Well, the dude is so pissed at this interruption, he rears back and kicks the snail as hard as he can and slams the door shut.

Two years later, there's another knock on the door.

The guy opens the door and there's the same snail.

"What the fuck was that about?" sez the snail.
UPDATE 10:25: Well, I reversed the trend because my clock time this year was 26:10, and my chip time will most likely be at least 30 seconds faster. 

Last year's Turkey Trot clock time?

Twenty-nine: Twenty-one! (Chip time was 27:11.)

2007: 27:34

2008: 28:47
1 I coulda gone at least one other way, there. I could, for example, have gone "". It would have changed the whole trajectory of this post, if I had.

Hahahahahahaha! As IF! I jump from topic to topic in my posts, like a frog to his many lilypads! Unifying thread? I don't need no steenkin' unifying thread!

Which is wrong, by the way. I mean that parody quote. It's really a prody misquote because the actual quote from Teh Treasure of  the Sierra Madre is:
Dobbs: "If you're the police where are your badges?"
Gold Hat:
"Badges? We ain't got no badges. We don't need no badges! I don't have to show you any stinkin' badges!"
But even that is wrong because the line is misquoted thusly in Blazing Saddles:

"Badges? We don't need no stinking badges."

Which, though wrong as a quote of TTotSM, is, in and of itself, a quote from a movie. So if you (or I) were parodying that line, you (we) were correct. Thus, if you ever say, "Play it again, Sam" — which is not the line from Casablanca — and some douche-satchel tells you you're wrong, just say, "Fuck you. I was quoting one of the myriad films in which that line is misquoted. In this case, the film being Play It Again, Sam, starring Woody Allen."

N.B.: Even though that's the title of that film, I do not know for a fact that anyone in the film actually says that line. It's been years since I saw it. In any case, your  douche-satchel interlocutor won't know that, either, so you'll be safe.

See? Topic to topic, no unifying thread.

2 "It" being my race report, you pigs.

Because the other "it"?

Yeah, that's already up.


  1. @GeorgiaSnail: Hahahahahah!
    @Sidaris: meh.
    @Glaven: Happy Thanksgiving Turkey Trot!