Saturday, January 8, 2011

Key Words: Tam Lin in Chicago

 I freely confess to being a bit obsessed with blogger's relatively new Stats Tab1, the existence of which is largely why I changed my blog's GR display from Full Frontal (You Ladies get to see my posts' junk) to Truncated (Preview of Posts stops just before the goodies. Sorry, Ladies).

You see, I want people to click through to my site so I can see where they are from, who/what sent them, etc. Don't worry. I don't have boundary issues, like some people2. I just find this stuff kinda fascinating. I also kinda wish that everyone who reads a post would leave a comment, but I know that will never happen, possibly because my posts tend to be so long that I think most people throw their hands up after like word 1000 (the eye-rolling starts at around word 750, I estimate) and move on  to the next blog.

And whenever I look at the key word searches that bring people to my blog, I'm kinda fascinated by both the valid-but-puzzling ones and the seemingly invalid ones. Among the valid-but-puzzling ones are the following:

eicay vare, eise narde
"eicay vare, eise narde" translation
her kirtle green
kirtle green
"janet tied

carterhaugh
describe tamlin characters
i forbid you maidens all

These are valid. I'm just puzzled by them. Because the first two searches bring foax to my blog because of this post, which is a post I uploaded ages ago in which I compared the Spencer Davis Group's version of "I'm a Man" (in which the lyrics mention the narrator's thought-to-be-trimmed-with-chrome toilet3) and Chicago's version, in which those lyrics are changed to "and my body's pretty strong" and it is unclear whether that strength is a byproduct of pooping on chrome, but I'm going with "not" because the only reason I would even think it might be is because of the earlier version of the song, which should be treated as separate and distinct from the later version.

Anyroad, in that post, I mentioned in passing the nonsense Italian lyrics in the Chicago song "Saturday in the Park"; viz.,  Singing Italian songs/ eicay vare, eise narde/ Can you dig it/ Yes I can.

Now, apparently, there is somebody or — more frightening still — somebodies out there who wants or want to know just exactly what those words mean. And this schlub or schlubs keeps or keep getting sent to my blog when he or they searches or search using those key words. I mean, this search turns up just all the time in my stats! And if I knew what those words meant, I'd fucking tell you, but I don't! I really don't! And by way of a sincere apology, I want to say to this schlub or schlubs:  
Ooo eee ooo ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang
which I believe is Danish for "Duuude, I am soooooo sorry!"

The second thing that keeps showing up in my stats is all these terms having to do with the song or poem "Tam Lin": 

her kirtle green
kirtle green
"janet tied
carterhaugh
describe tamlin characters
i forbid you maidens all


I wrote about the Fairport Convention song "Tam Lin"  over a year ago, when none of the 7 of you who now read this blog knew about it (my blog, I mean, not "Tam Lin"), much less read it. Yet that page continues to get hits because, much to my surprise, there are all these foax out there who seemingly want to know something about "Tam Lin" and I feel kinda bad because they keep getting sent to my blog where they will learn exactly nothing. I don't feel bad for you all who are now reading this; because you foax know better than to expect anything. But these poor foax who get sent here using innocent Google searches? I feel bad for them! To them I offer this second sincere Danish apology:

Glibby gløøp gløøpy Nibby Nåbby Nøøpy Lå Lå Lå Lø Lø
Såbba Sibby Såbbå Nooby åbba Nåbbå Le Le Lø Lø
Tøøby øøby wållå nøøby åbbå nåbbå

It is unfortunate that this apology makes fun of noobs while apologizing ("Nooby åbba Nåbbå", which, if you ask me, is pretty uncalled for and not funny and nearly vitiates the whole apology) but what can I say? Danes can be real dicks sometimes.

Other fun keywords searches that got people here somehow but that just kinda puzzle me:

aleece you cocksucker
dildoconnoisseur.com
gay male jobber torture blogspot
banana between legs
horny dad fucks the

I especially like the last one because it is a sentence that ends with the word "the" and therefore reminds me of the ending of James Joyce's Finnegans Wake, as I'm sure it does you, as well.


In other news, Blogger continues to mock and hate me because I'm old because I went to SteveQ's blog to comment this morning and here's the word verification word it gave me:
 


I guess it coulda been worse; I guess it could have given me "erektiledysfunkshun" as a word.

Fucking blogger! It's a bigger dick than a Dane sometimes.


UPDATE: Here's a graphic with the 4 latest keyword searches! I circled the one that I was especially surprised to see (sorry — my circling skills are a bit shaky):

Feel free to give your answers in the comment section below.


1 It could, in fact, be old. I probably should call it "Blogger's-possibly-new-but-in-any-case-only-recently-noticed-by-me" Stats Tab.

2 I'm looking at you, SteveQ, and thinking of poor Xenia ... which is kinda making me a bit sexually confused.

3 Full Disclosure: The singer (Steve Winwood) of the SDG version is NOT actually claiming that his toilet is trimmed with chrome; he's saying that people think that for some reason, because they like to imagine that Rock Stars even poop on better materials than we mere mortals do3a. And so the point of that line is, Pffttt! No it's not trimmed with chrome! I poop in GOLD-trimmed toilets!

And I mention this because some dude named Les swung by and got a bit het up by what he saw as my implication that Steve Winwood pooped in chrome-trimmed toilets and lectured me on the true meaning of Christmas the song. Sadly, Les's name was not hotlinked anywhere, so I couldn't go to, say, his blog and pedantically lecture him on Teh True Meaning of Satire.

3a In case you're wondering, you, mere mortal, most likely poop on- or into a material made from "vitreous china in a liquid form called slurry slip" according to the Toilet Page from the How Products Are Made site. Of course, more stuff is done to this "slurry slip" in the manufacturing process, but I thought you'd like to know that the material you poop on just sounds as though it might be equally offensive as your poop.

10 comments:

  1. I'm kind of fascinated by my blog stats, trivially small that the numbers are. The eye rolling depends on the topic.

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  2. I didn't see that comment on my blog. Even with the snapshot proof, I call: bullshit!

    I hate to admit it, but I once Googled eicay (etc.) General opinion: nonsense meant to sound like Italian.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Today, people found my blog looking for: Aishwariya Rai (from Google Pakistan image search), ice age 3 song with lyrics and drosophila mutant.

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  4. I like checking feeds for "now," as they're much more variable than weekly and I like seeing which posts are most popular. One post has 1300 views, another 1000; the tenth-most popular is "Portrait of Jenny" which I hope isn't from, say, people looking for nude pics of Jenny McCarthy. But it's probably something like that.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I came from Neil's blog, but of course see you regularly taunting RBR as well. I love the stats tab, though your searches are far more interesting than mine (as your blog is, more than likely, more interesting than mine. I do appreciate, though, that it's also longer--the blog, I mean--than mine and makes me appear slightly less wordaholic than some people). Most of my searches are for "mud volleyball" though I've lately been getting lots of hits since I posted a picture of Homer Simpson with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other.

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  6. @SteveQ - Really? You deleted yet another of my comments for no good reason?

    That puts you in the lead by about 8 to zero by now, I guess.

    Congrats. You win because I have no intention of trying to catch up with you.

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  7. Finnegans Wake! That's EXACTLY what I was thinking when I read that.

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  8. It's scary wondering what the folks who get sent to our blogs look like!!! I need to get that image out of my mind.....
    BTW, nice drawing skills you have there!

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  9. I didn't delete your comment, I just don't see one that ends with the word "geezer" in all caps. Either my eyes glazed over in the first 5000 words, or it never got published.

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  10. Here's a comment. Where else am I going to go to get my Who and Billy Shakes info in one place? With a little anal mixed in.

    I need to check that Google reader thing - then I can make people click thru into my blog...

    ReplyDelete