Friday, March 18, 2011

Chase Utley Lives!

A couple of posts ago1, I told you about the fact that Ian's room was in the process (since finished) of being painted; and that the painter — Teh Fantastic Mr. Fox — was going to paint a big Phillies "P" on the wall.

Well, we jettisoned the latter plan because we found some Fathead wall stickers online, and when Ian saw he could get a half-size Chase Utley wall sticker, all bets were off:

This here is the Phillies Logo that was included with the Chase Utley Sticker ...
... and this here is the Chase Utley sticker itself. It was difficult getting this pic because Ian decided he wanted the sticker on the pented wall in his room and so I had to lie on my back on the floor to get this pic because if I shot it straight on from a standing position, Chase looked like this:
 ... i.e., kinda like a midget little person, with short, stumpy legs, which, if he were a midget little person in real life, he'd be Teh 'Bride's favorite player, what with her freakish obsession with little people and all ... This angle also kinda makes him look like Stretch Armstrong:
Anyroad, Chase is Ian's favorite player, and even though Chase is injured and we have no idea when (or if) he'll be back this season, all you Utley Phans out there can take comfort in knowing Chase Lives on Ian's bedroom wall.

Yesterday, Ian and I played ball for about 45 minutes before dinner; per the usual agreement, on his last hit, I had to chase the ball down and race him to home plate, he trying to score, I trying to get him out before he gets to the plate. Of course, he gave the last pitch a ride into deep right (he's been taking me long a lot of late), and I was like, "Really?" And I was determined to get him out for making me have to run so far. And so when I get the ball, he's already rounded second and I'm screaming, "YOU'RE A DEAD MAN!1!" and he's giggling as he runs and is almost out of breath and then it's a footrace to the plate and he just beats me there and a couple people in the park were watching us and they cheered as Ian crossed the plate safely, out of breath from running and laughing.

I'll get him next time.

1 No, I'm not going to conveniently link back to the post referred to because even if I did, none of you would click that link. I used to be okay with that, but now? I think you people are just fucking arbitrary. No, hear me out on this — if, at the end of this anti-you diatribe, you don't agree with me that you are totally lame and owe me an apology, I hereby grant you leave to stop reading this here post and go on about your business, guilt-free1a.

So okay, here's the thing: When I link back to one of my own older posts, you never click that link. I know because I look at my stats and I can tell. The only older posts of mine that people ever look at are the one I did called R2C2 (4 Phillies Phans Only), which I never link to (it's just various pix of the Phils' four starting aces, Roy, Roy, Cole and Cliff (hence, R2C2)), and, for some reason, a post I did on the Fairport Convention song "Tam Lin" (search phrases including the word "kirtle green" continue to show up in my stats on a regular basis and I am forced to conclude that there is a small, but persistent and die-hard, group of Lovers of Teh Legend of "Tam Lin" out there, which who knew?). Okay? I appreciate the visits of these foax who never leave comments (selfish bastards!) but those people come here independent of any promotion on my part. Those people are are not you who are reading this now; they find me, take what they want from me, then just dump me, leaving me feeling like a total whoo-wer1b.

But okay, so you don't follow my self-promoting, borderline masturbatory links. Fine.


Except that like yesterday, a Random Tranny links to one of my older posts in one of her posts and then that post of mine gets more hits in 10 hours than the rest of my blog posts combined!1! According to Blogger, I have 19 "Followers"1c (most of whom I suspect "follow" me in about the same way that Charlie Sheen is "winning!"); but RBR? She has fucking minions. People who do her bidding! People whom she can bend to her will!1! Look, look, it's not that I'm jealous or envious or want to beat her @$$ for being a successful cult leader or find out what brand of TigerBlood she drinks1d; and I know this makes me sound like an ingrate, but that's just because I'm winning! and you're not. But geez, people. What do I gotta do? And don't say fewer footnotes cos — Pfffttt! — we all know that ain't happening.

In conclusion: Winning!1!

1a (Offer not valid if you're Catholic because even I don't have that kind of juice.)

1b It's a good feeling.

1c The really funny part? It took me all this time to get nineteen people who were willing to "follow" my blog? But now that I've been on Teh Tweeter for a week? I was up to 19 followers in like three days!1! Of course, I'm down to 17 now, having lost two for some reason or other; and of the 17, quite a few are, frankly, trolls, like Ariel Vanean, whose tweets consist of observations such as: "amazingly Ariel Vanean is the most favorite belami boy that you need to see naked #belami" and "Photo: Justin sucking on Dolphs big fat uncut cock! #hotboys #bigdicks #uncut #jocks #BelAmi" which latter included an URL which I suspects leads to a photo depicting what the tweet advertises but I wouldn't know because no I didn't follow it because even though Ariel Vanean follows me, I have not returned the favor because I really don't need photos of big fat uncut cocks being sucked. Also? I suspect, though I can't prove it, that somehow it's Teh Peachy Escargot's fault that Ariel Vanean follows me. It is completely within the realm of possibility that AV is Teh Escargot's alterego, totally fabricated by him just to see if he could get me to click a link that will allegedly lead to sucking yada and uncut blah, etc., etc. But the only way I could prove this theory is to click the link, which I refuse to do. So in the absence of proof, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that Ariel IS Teh 'Escargot.

I sure hope Ariel doesn't stop following me because so far? He's the hawtest of all my followers; and also I'd then be down to 16 followers. And if I keep hemorrhaging followers like this I'll lose my corporate sponsorship.

1d Full Disclosure: That's a total lie. I am, and want to do, all those things. And that alone I think should qualify me to be a cult leader. Which brings me back to my main point: What the fuck is it with you people that I am not? I'm doing my part — drinking tigerblood daily and winning! It gives me the strength of Two and a Half Men!1! What are you doing to help my cult?


  1. Wow. The footnotes on today's post are pretty trippy. Be careful on Teh Twitter. I am one of your 17 followers - don't tweet much, but I see you and the Peachy Snail snarking back and forth at each other.

    To my knowledge I have 4 followers on my blog. Woooooooeeeeeeeee!! Killin it. I got one view yesterday :) Cracks me up.

  2. See and all this time I was trying to pose as Arielvan Ean...If it wasn't for you meddling kids...

    FWIW, you are up to 18 twits

    Oh, and by the by...some of us don't have to go back and reread the links to older posts as we read them the first time, and well, frankly...once was enough.

  3. I signed up for twitter and then did nothing with it for months. People signed up anyway, apparently for the sheer joy of watching me not tweet. Then, once I started tweeting, I gained more followers but lost some of the Golden Silence crowd. Unlike Charlie Sheen, that's not winning :(
    But I do have a winning smile, does that count :) ?

  4. Haven't jumped over that fence to the "twitter" land yet, still having that great, rip my hair out of my head, I'm addicted to it, fun times on Facebook yet!
    I have 49 followers for my blog-I was up to 51, then back down 1 at a time to 49. You have no idea of having an "odd" number freaks me out. I look daily with a glimpse of hope that it will go back to 50 and then all the world will revolve nicely on it's axis again! I know, it's called OCD-we all have it! LOL
    Love Ian's room! Those Fatheads are cool-I was gonna get me a big Brett Favre but then he f**ked us over here in WI so f**k him and his big "fathead".....
    OK, this is dragging out longer than your footnotes...........
    PS/So cool to hear that Dad's and son's still play ball together!
    How's Teh Bride's kettlebells going?

  5. Agree with Beth on teHm teHre footnotes.
    However, I also think that MOST of your writing is worthy of being part of a CULTURE, NOT a cult. For whatever my thinking is worth....

    My husband and his siblings used to do the "pinch the nose" thing with his mother...and they'd laugh and laugh when she'd wake up gasping for air in a "tizzy"....must be a Joisey thing (he's from Pitman).

    Speaking of laughter, thank you again for your brilliance with the Christi/Jesusi play...and also for the laughter re the below. Bye now! Ann

    [command A, command C] now...POST! :)))

  6. I'm with GS on the blog reading. And now I'm gonna go check out Beth. And it's a dead link. Tease!
    Still not going to Twitter. Still guilt free, especially about the Phillies.

  7. I whined about being stuck at 89 followers, and now I'm stuck at 98 and trying not to whine that it's not 100.

    I clicked on the link from RBR's blog to yours just as a shortcut to see if she added a new comment after I'd read through it.

    Teh Bride is into little people, eh? I dated a woman with Russell-Silver syndrome and another who, after a kidney transplant at age 8, had her growth stunted by anti-rejection drugs. Dating a woman who could pass for 8 was a low point in creepiness even for me.

  8. I stopped looking at the stats, followers & whatnot. Too much pressure.

    Chase Utley is HOT. Hair's a little too greasy perfect, but rest of him? YUM.

  9. You could consider it payback that the way I knew that RBR had posted an update is because I clicked through to her blog from your link, then back to your blog from hers because I wanted to see if the link she was referring to was the one I thought it would be (it was) do you get double credit for that because I clicked to your blog from hers, but that originated from yours?

    Just curious.