Passive-aggressive note that accompanied the Popener and Gnome. If you read between the lines, you'll notice the Gnome-ophobic slurs and you'll also see where X implies I'm worse than Hitler. Sure, X! Call me HITLER then end with a smiley face — LIKE THAT MAKES IT ALL BETTER!1!
Well the joke's on Xenia because since the package arrived? I've fucked that Gnome seven ways from Sunday. And if it wasn't felt before, believe me, it's been felt now because I was ALL hands1! AND IT LOVED EVERY MINUTE2 OF IT!1!
The lesson here is if you're going to call me a Gnome-osexual, get it right: I'm actually a Noamosexual because I lurves me the political writings of famous American Dissident Noam "Cunning Linguist" Chomsky.
HUBBA!1!In any case, this is about as close as I'll ever get to saying "Thanks", Xenia, so just take what you can get. (That gnome sure did! And THEN SOME!1!)3
Just mapped out a 6.2-mile run, which I hope to start in about a half-hour.
UPDATE 6:30 a.m.: Ran 6.45 miles in an hour for a 9:18 pace.
1 "Hands" here being, of course, code for "penis".
2 Full Disclosure: I rarely last a full minute.
3 On the anticipated objectionss from some quarters that perhaps my disquisition on gnome-fucking goes just a bit too far, is a little beyond the pale:
I just last night started reading Shxpr's Two Noble Kinsmen (the last of the canonical plays that I have not yet read) and these here are the honest-to-Jebus first lines:
New Playes, and Maydenheads, are neare a kin,New plays are like a virgin's cherry, quoth the fucking Bard!
Much follow'd both, for both much mony g'yn, [...]
I think my tales of gnome-fucking are restrained in comparison.