Friday, March 25, 2011

Harlot Farmers

Today is not my usual day to do QandA but I was covering for a colleague from 9 to 10 and fielded six questions (I could easily have had more because it was busy). Among the six was this here one, which, the more I think about it, has got to be my all-time favorite:

"WHAT HORES FARM WAS NAMED FOR A BAKEING POWERED BUSINESS"

Yeah, the patron was YELLING at me the whole time, which is always fun.

But after first noticing that the patron was a Capital Letter-Lovin' anti-j'og, I then noticed that, thanks to all the misspellings, I couldn't at first tell what the patron was actually asking. I finally decided she meant "What horse farm", not "What whore's farm" - though I guess it's not impossible that Snooki or Paris Hilton or Teh Merry's Bike might own a farm and might have named it after a baking powder company.

But that was unlikely.

So I went on the assumption that "horse farm" is what was intended.

So I responded: "Hi, [patron]! Hold on while I see what I can find."

Turns out this shouted question was pretty easy to find the answer to. But while I was searching, the impatient patron writes, yet again: "WHAT HORES FARM WAS NAMED FOR A BAKING POWERD BUNIESS" - evidently still on the lookout for new and better ways to yell misspellings at me.

There was really no need to yell, because I had already found, and was just about to push to the patron, this page. [The Q&A software pushes the actual PAGE to the patron when you send her the URL. So she had this Wikipedia page to look at, the VERY FIRST PARAGRAPH (pardon my yelling) of which is: "Calumet Farm is a 762 acre (3.1 km) Thoroughbred breeding and training farm established in 1924 in Lexington, Kentucky, United States by William Monroe Wright, founding owner of the Calumet Baking Powder Company."]

So I politely ask (as I always do): "Do you see the page I just sent you?" and "I believe it contains the answer to your question." [Okay. This may seem a dickishly roundabout way to provide an answer to a question, but, as a reference librarian, I am obliged to provide a source for my answers, no matter how ridiculously simple the question might be.]

No response from YELLY PANTS.

So I ask: "Do you have all the information that you need?"

At which point the patron screams at me: "WHAT IS THE AWENSWER"

To which yelp I respond with the following quote from the Wiki page: "'Calumet Farm is a 762 acre (3.1 km) Thoroughbred breeding and training farm established in 1924 in Lexington, Kentucky, United States by William Monroe Wright, founding owner of the Calumet Baking Powder Company.'"

So now I have, I think, successfully pre-chewed this morsel and spit it directly into ANGRY YELLY BIRD's mouth.

And I ask: "Do you have all the information that you need?"

Response: "NO"

Me: "Okay. What else can I do for you?"

No response for over 5 minutes.

At which point I send the following (canned) script: "We have some other people waiting for help, so I'll need to log off now. If you need further help, please feel free to log in again. It's been a pleasure serving you at QandANJ.org."

And I gracefully exit the session.

And when I go out to see if any other questions are waiting in the queue, what do I see but this:



*Sigh* At least she learned how to spell "BUSINESS".

11 comments:

  1. It's been a pleasure serving you? (Snort.)

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  2. Hilarious!!!!! BTW, that's the nicest, most polite conversation I've ever seen/heard from you. Impressive.

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  3. I'm sending this to my oft-beleaguered-by-dipshits co-worker in tech support. I like occasionally tormenting him with tales of stupidity, because I don't think he gets enough dealing with morons on the phone all day. Thanks for the chuckle. :)

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  4. I suspect the original question was dealing with baking powdered bunnies. Which is not the sort of thing that my bicycle would ever consider doing.
    I think if I had your job, I would probably respond with "Why do you want to know?" When asked some of these questions.

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  5. Damn. I'm impressed by your remarkable self control, because we all know that what you REALLY want to say is, "Listen up, dumbfuck. Your spelling skills are appalling and your question is as pointless as your existence. Kindly fuck off."

    What a hores's ass.

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  6. Hehehe... Pretty good how you deciphered what this person was yelling at you. Even more impressive your restraint in responding to ANGRY YELLY BIRD.

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  7. I believe the patron was having problems with your refusal to translate your answer thus:

    CALMET HORES FARM

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  8. I love the politeness script...

    I wonder if she thought you were in India or something and if she just posed her question again, she get a different "support person." hahaha

    Yes, remarkable self control!

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  9. Since you spend your days answering people's questions, here's my question:

    Should I be worried that my girlfriend's bought a vibrator shaped like Rachel Maddow's fist and uses it so much that she makes a fwap-fwap-fwap sound when she walks or should I just be glad it's not an Ann Coulter model?

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