Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Spring Training

Yesterday morning's run of 7.33 miles1 — which gives me 27.4 running miles here in the first week of March, which would seem to bode well for my quest to make up for the mileage-deficient months of January and February — was at the slow pace of 6.3 mph (a 9:30-mile average). I attribute this to the following fact:

Saturday was a really nice day. So I decided, what with it being such a nice spring-like day, Ian and I should head to the local baseball diamond and get in our first day of Spring Training. I have been telling Ian for some time that we were going to work on his becoming a contact hitter, like Placido Polanco:

Here we see two pix of PP NOT batting. The first pic is just a random one I took of Teh Interwebs; but that one right above these here words? I took that myself last year when Ian and I went to see the Phillies play Teh Giants and they beat them 8-2. This pic was during practice before the game. Polanco had just tossed a ball into the stands to some adolescent girl and I was thisclose to trying to intercept it before I realized how that would make me look — i.e., like a Yankees fan.

So Ian and I headed up to the park and got in an hour of batting practice. I told him just to practice making contact; I didn't care if he hit every ball fair, as long as he made contact. Which he did nearly every time. Most of them went fair, too. He missed maybe 5 or 6 pitches out of what must have been 60-70 I tossed at him. I wasn't taking it easy, either: I gave him some heat. So I was happy with that, as was he.

Ian's relatively small, so he doesn't have long-ball power; I was just trying to show him that he shouldn't try to kill the ball every time. The last time we played, which was probably last November, he was trying to kill the ball and so just missing it all the time. I told him, "Look at Poli. He just puts the ball in play and almost always advances the runner; and he batted almost .300 even though he had a bad elbow all year."

Ian found, to his amazement, that he drives the ball further when he just tries to meet it, too.

But I'm burying the lede here; because the real story is not about Ian. The real story is about how, when you play a real sport for the first time in months? Your body aches all over. I mean, I do yoga and I exercise etc. on those days when I don't run, so there's your much-ballyhooed "cross-dressingtraining", but even with all the running and "cross-training", my body, the day after playing baseball for one hour, ached as it hasn't since ... well, probably last spring's first day of ST. Or maybe after a couple of games of beer softball while on vacation last summer.

So, to tie things up, come full circle2, as it were, that's why my running was so slow yesterday. If it's slow again today?

Same excuse.

[6:50 Update: 6.02 miles in 55:03 for a 9:05 pace; 6.6 mph.]

1 I hope also to get at least six miles in this morning, but having been issued this challenge last night, I have stupidly wasted most of the a.m. sequencing genomes using dideoxyribonucleotides — whereas hitherto, I had been content to leave my genomes1a in a heap in the corner over by the hamper (I have a horrible dirty-clothes jump shot), near my sweaty running thongs. I am not happy that I can be so easily manipulated into a stupid Über-Geek competition. THANKS A LOT, B*TCH!1!

Sing it with me: 

Forrrrrrrr ... he's a jolly good luuuzer
For he's a jolly good luuuuzer
For he's a jolly good luu-whooo-zerrrrrrrrrrr ...
Which nobody can DNA!1!

1a They're new Levi's Ex-Girlfriend Skinny Genomes, too, that really show off my @$$ to great effect. They make me look like a CHICK!1!

2 Not to be confused with the viral Intertubal video "Come Full Circle", starring Charlie Sheen in his weekly circle-jerk gathering. (Charlie plays the Jerk.)


  1. Thanks, dude. Now I have to go scrub my cerebral cortex with a fucking brillo pad to remove the image of your 50 year old, flat, Irish ass pressed into emo-hipster skinny jeans.

    Congrats to Ian. He is going to be a force to be reckoned with come baseball season. You will make me a damn baseball fan yet.

  2. Oh, and




    Suck it, non-insomniacs!

  3. I went ice skating with my man. That activity made my calves and ankles ache for days. So much for being in shape.

  4. Wow. With that mileage, no wonder you have a skinny, flat @ss! And I’m still jealous of the pace.

    Impressive that you got Ian to stop trying to kill the ball in one session—he seems to be growing by leaps and bounds now that you have figured out how to “filter out the noise” with learning.

    This exchange between you and RBR is genius that nobody can DNA. I love it!
    …but, oh, I can see that the “Tranny darts,” they are a comin’....
    Let the real sport begin (again) and may both your brains ache like they never have!

    We got another snow dump with an unexpectedly large total of 10 heavy inches, so my body is aching now. My Big White Ball Theory is still intact, and I'll be putting more pics up by tonight.

    @ RBR--Belated welcome back here....even if it means that you didn’t sleep at all last night ;).

  5. Go Ian!!

    What's beer softball??? Sounds fun. Unless it's a lesbertarian event, and then I'm out. Well, not "out" but out as in thanks but no thanks.

    Not that there's anything wrong with that.

  6. Beth reminds me of a story. I was asked what sports a woman I was dating was into (as I'd just said she wasn't a runner) and I listed: softball, golf, basketball. Then it hit me... that's the lesbian triathlon.

    Tsuyoshi Nishioka's been with the Twins long enough now for me to remember his name. If he pans out, if Mauer, Nathan and Morneau aren't out with injuries, if the new middle relievers aren't a complete loss (BIG BIG "IF" there), they might be contenders.