Monday, March 21, 2011


Or, as some would call them, Updates:

Look, I'm not saying this makes me the most pathetic person in Teh Blogosphere (because as far as I know, Teh Peachy Escargot still lives and blogs), but it does put me right up there and calm down I'm getting to what exactly the "it" I'm referring to is. Geez, chill already!

You'll recall that I won a Popener from a certain pneumatic, hoity-toity, arugala-eating, so-far-over-on-teh-East-Coast-she's-in-England, egghead-intellectual blogger who shall remain nameless but her name rhymes with "Wienier"1 (which is what you call someone who's an even bigger wiener than someone else). Then it broke. Obsessive chronicler of the meaningless minutia of my own life that I be, I blogged about both of these occurrences; viz. Teh Winning and Teh Breaking of Teh Popener.

Well, allegedly I'm getting a new Popener, which is "in the mail", but until it comes2, this is what I've been opening my beers with:

Yeah, that's a fake-donut-with-sprinkles-on-it bottle opener, which I believe is a Simpsons Movie tchotchke that I picked up somewhere or other. It is virtually unbreakable, but not what you'd call very functional. I mean, if you expend sufficient energy, you can get it to open a beer bottle despite the fact that the donut part gets in the way of the opener part — but it ain't easy. That's why it'll never be Pope, although I'm pretty sure Scientologists would be willing to worship it. (KERTWANG!1! to all you Scientologists who read this blog!1! Hahahahaha! Your Messiah is short and hasn't made a decent movie since Rainman!1!)

The next update is baseball-related:

Ian got a new batting helmet but hasn't quite figgered out how to wear it, yet:
He's taller and more animate than a donut-shaped bottle opener so Scientologists would probably not worship him, but they might beatify the helmet since I think it might help defeat bad engrams.

Managed to run 16 miles over the weekend, which is putting me in a good position to recoup the 20 miles total I fell behind in my pursuit of a 1200-mile year; I ran a mere 90 miles each in January and February; but March could be a 120-mile month. Then if I could just manage to run consistent 100-mile months for the rest of the year ...

Hahahahahaha! Like that'll happen!

1 I am, of course, assuming here that you have one of those thick Boston accents that puts R's where they don't belong, which accents, by the way, are even wienier than NYC accents, if not whinier. Because if you're from Boston, you probably pronounce "Xenia" "Xeniar", not that that's whom I'm talking about, you stupid fucking Massachusetts Mick.

2 But Popeners have, unfortunately, taken a solemn vow not to, though there's no real reason for that.


  1. and on twitter....even more depressing...

  2. oh yeah, nice work on the weekend miles...when is the 15k?

  3. I'm naming your temporary beer opener the "faux-nut" Just cuz it makes me laugh to say it.

  4. Yeah, I forgot to email you. I'm a slacker. I'm actually addressing the envelope as I type this (I'm a multitasker). I'm hoping to get to town in time to post it today, but if not definitely tomorrow.

    Although I don't know why you're complaining. That donut opener is awesome. Probably made on the same production line as the popener. Hol(e)y by association?

  5. Damn you Xenia! Terrible pun that I wanted to make...

  6. Haha! I do what I can, Brian.

    G--The popener has been mailed. Let me know when it arrives.

  7. It took Xenia a little over 2 hours to get your Popener in the mail THEN comment about it - that's pretty efficient.

    I would've addressed the envelope today... put a stamp on it tomorrow... put it in the mail Wednesday...

    Help Ian out with the helmet, would you?

  8. X will use ANYTHING to be distracted from her dissertation. Even mailing a bottle opener to a guy that probably has dozens. Maybe hundreds lurking in his house.

  9. Do you already have a Luis Castillo opener? I'm sure it wouldn't work up nawth but it probably will be great in Philly.

  10. You would think a popener would be infallible.

  11. G- You're doing great with the running. But re your statement: "Then if I could just manage to run consistent 100-mile months for the rest of the year ...
    Hahahahahaha! Like that'll happen!"----
    Ian would say: "But it COULD happen...."

    I didn't drown on the trails this past Sat...some of us came a post up for the first of the 2 runs...finally.

    What a great smiley pic of Ian!...if that's really him under all that headgear ;)

    @Keith--"Lurking bottle openers" LOL!

  12. Oh...Christ(i)! I forgot the time zone thing and that you WOULD be the first to be up to read my blog....guess I gotta earn my "Granny" nickname. I hadn't finished all of my touch-up's/links last night, one of which was putting "This one's (pic) for you, G" under the pic WITH a link. It's done now.
    And, I wouldn't dare smack HER a@@! Gotta catch a plane. Have anice day!

  13. BTW, a@@ is "Granny speak" for @$$ :))))

  14. This is fasr too much text without any mention of me or comment from me, so I thought I'd have to let you know I finally (FINALLY!) figured out what my problem was with publishing photos on my blog. Can't fix the old posts, though, as the files now are in the wrong format.